January 14, 2012

Check out my new THREADS!

It has been a monumental drag to not be able to reply directly to your comments on my drawings. Only last night I was hovering between installing either Disqus or Intense Debate, to enable threaded comments. Actually the only reason I didn't install one or the other was that I started having a real life intense debate with my brother on Facebook, and after that, I fell asleep.

But tonight...lo and behold! Blogger has added its own threaded comments. I can't draw a YAY big enough to show how pleased I am about this. Be satisfied with a dorky smile.


Go on, leave me a comment. And then I'll reply directly to you.

I can't wait.

January 12, 2012

Mission IMPOSSIBLE.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to fit no less than FIVE (5) helpings of pasta into your tummy.

Dun, dun, dun-dun, dun, dun...


Dun-dun, dun, dun, dun-dun, dun, dun...


Tudleeooo.... tudleeooo.... tudleeooo.... tun-nun!


Dun! Dun! Dun-dun! Dun! Dun! Dun-dun!


Yeah, the 11 year old boy is growing again.
But where's he gonna fit that ice-cream?

January 9, 2012

NINJA Foot Massage.

This is my older brother. For his birthday last year, we gave him a foot massage treat in Chinatown. Awesome. It took him a year to cash it in, due to him having a new baby, haha.


Me and The Huz went down there with him and had simultaneous foot massages. Those massage-therapists are amazing! They really beat the crap out of your feet, and they do all the victims patients in unison, like Kodo Drummers!

The Bro snored through the whole thing, prolly also due to him having a new baby.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY dude!

January 6, 2012

Best Christmas present EVAR.

Guess what I got for Christmas!


I can't wait to see what you guys come up with.

What was your fave present?

January 3, 2012

9 Ways To Say NO.

Are you tired of being asked expected to work for free? Here are nine ways to say NO.

1. The Demure Negatory. If you throw in a little something shiny, they won't even know what hit them.


2. Shock and Disbelief. Trust me, you won't even need to fake it.


3. Rage. No one will mistake this for a "yes".


4. The Element of Surprise. Catch them off guard with a Cirque move!


5. Run Away Screaming. I tried this last week and it works amazingly well.


6. Over My Dead Body. This one's a little old school, but it's perfect for repeat offenders. Plus you can always throw in the threat of haunting to spice things up.


7. The Jedi Wave. Some folks simply don't get that they should pay for commercial services; they really feel entitled to free drawings and stuff, no matter how you explain it. And they even get kinda mad when you just say no. It's far better to hypnotize them. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobe, you're my only hope.


8. Mirth. Burst out laughing. Especially effective if someone offers to pay you with tweets.


9. If all else fails, Spell It Out. If you view these two drawings in the Lightbox skin, you can animate them and say the word "no" at the same time. TRY IT - just click on the drawing.


I may publish a collection of some of the more absurd emails asking me for free drawings. I'll even pay myself to illustrate it - oh, the irony!

December 24, 2011

GREEN Christmas - Top 10 Funniest.

1. Grinch it. Bully a small dog into helping you steal Christmas only to give it back at the last minute. Sounds fun right?  You don't hafta wear pants and your heart will grow three sizes.


2. Envy. Simply covet thy neighbour's gifts!


3. Greenback. Buy a winning lottery ticket, for a change.


4. Zombie.  That dude you kissed under the mistletoe is now gnawing on your shoulder.


5. Nausea. Too much rich food will make you green around the gills.


6. Practical Presents. Wine probably fits into this category. It's not exactly environmental, but hey, it's wine. As The Huz says, "wouldn't you rather give your money to a family run vineyard than a big pharmaceutical company?"


7. Orion Slave Girls. They make a nice holiday treat....if you're into alien sex. Uh, I mean sects.


8. Last Minute Green Gift. You get a surprise visit from Aunt Mildred, and she's got gifts for the whole family. But you have no gift for her! Uh-oh....better sneak into the bathroom with your laptop and get her a Kiva Gift Card to loan $25 to third world entrepreneur.


9. Noob it. Enjoy the green sensation of learning something new.


10. Make-up! Get your fabulous friends to paint you green and take pictures.

Got any more?

Kathy Slamen Photography, Body painting  Alex Hansen, Hair & make-up Naita Ratycz, jewelry and hair accessory by Serafina, vintage gown courtesy private collection of Nancy Marrelli.

December 22, 2011

GANGSTA 101.

Welcome to today's episode of ...


Please welcome my special guest Interviewee, grade 8 school teacher and self proclaimed Smartness...JW Moxie!


JC: JW, hey welcome to the show! Let's start with a skill testing Gangsta question: Do you think that "evolution" should be taught in schools?

JW: I mean, like, yeah. It should totally be like, a subject because Adam and Eve and then dinosaurs - HELLO, DARWIN. Personally I believe that evolution and creationism are both like, important theories and stuff. Like math. I believe that math should be taught in schools, too. Wait - what was the question?

JC: And that answer is correct! One of the things I like about your writing is the Gangsta timing. Timing is a big deal for animators. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

JW: Timing? It's always a good time to be a Gangsta. Unless by "timing," you mean the ability to deliver a punchline or theme statement at the appropriate point of narration to achieve the desired emotional effect.

JC: Uh. You had me at "good time".

JW: I win!

JC: Okay Missus Smartnessypants, keep your panties on. Your fave Gangsta word seems to be "Word". Since you're so knowledged in English, what are your all time favourite made up words?

JW: Good question. wreckadent (n): a wreck that's worse than your standard accident; f*cknuttery (n): something so effed up that it's nutty; ballsome (adj.): having the balls to be awesome;. "That joker cut me off in traffic and almost caused a wreckadent. It was pure f*cknuttery, but because I'm ballsome, I let him off with a stern look instead of flipping him the bird." WORD.

JC: So you're an English teacher as well as a Gangsta, right? Which Great Names from literature (not including The Bloggess) do you think are Gangsta material and why?

JW: Dean Koontz (Just kidding). Gloria Naylor - I love how she subtly weaves her books together with whispered allusions (i.e. The Women of Brewster Place and Bailey's Cafe). Another favorite is Theodore Geisel aka Dr. Seuss.

JC: Dr. Seuss? I've heard of Dr. Seuss!!

JW: Contrary to popular belief he is the OG of rap, not Grandmaster Flash.


JC: Let's pretend you're a Gangsta for reals: you're walking down the street being badass, and when you get to the corner a Buddhist nun stops you and asks you to hold the end of a piece of string for a minute. The nun takes the other end of the string and disappears around the corner with it. You wait. A really. Long. Time. And then finally you decide to cautiously peer around the corner. There, holding the other end of the string and peering back at you is Donald Trump! What do you say to him?

JW: "Trump. Dude, really? Are your hands so busy counting greenbacks that you couldn't hold the string? Playing "pull my finger" wasn't sophomoric enough for you? You're fired. And please, for the love of all that is Gangsta, do something about that combover."

Word.

The "YO! YO" drawing was part of an awesome Christmas mug-swap for the Aiming Low writers. Yes, she's drinking out of it right now, go see.

UPDATE: My mug from JW arrived this afternoon! It is The Ballsome. Are we in sync or whut?


Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.