Leaning in with a CLEAR Wish.

I was waiting for my VOTY Award video to be officially posted on the BlogHer site. It was my hope that my live reading of "How To Check For Pinworms" would be so freaking funny that I could use it to propel myself into another realm. And, you know, build on that. I couldn't wait to see it!

But when the videos went live I was crushed to find that most of my performance was replaced by my illustrations. Okay, they're a big part of the story, but who wants to sit and watch a still image with voice-over for four minutes? Big editing faux-pas! You need to cut back to the speaker or it's boring.

Major disappointment!

The questions assaulted me. Why had the editor done this? Did the camera break? Did the footage accidentally get deleted? Was my performance so awful? Perhaps I'd imagined the laughter and applause...?

I couldn't send this link out. Besides my own needs, it failed on entertainment value for my tribe.

I knew I should just reach out to BlogHer and ask them if anything could be done. But I was scared. What if they think I'm ungrateful? What if they think I'm making trouble? What if they think I'm a bitch?

They're probably too busy. They won't remember me. I'm nothing. I hate myself.

I admit that I cried real tears. Man, I felt so sorry for myself. I went through a box of tissues...it was pathetic!

Suddenly Sheryl Sandberg popped into my head.

She gave me the ninja smackdown (in my imagination).

My husband had a friend in London named Basil Saunders (now departed, may he rest in peace) who used to say, "Give me a clear wish." Meaning that one should always state clearly what they want without waffling or hiding. I decided to write to BlogHer and tell them my clear wish. I wrote directly to BlogHer co-founder Elisa Camahort Page. Because if I'm going to lean in like Sheryl Sandberg says I should, I'm going to the top.

And do you know what? They did fix the video - but the voice and image was now noticeably out of synch. Crap! I struggled with my self loathing all over again.

Then it struck me that my whole BlogHer takeaway was one of 'empowerment'. It would be the jugular of irony if I couldn't empower myself to push for this synch error to be fixed. They might roll their eyes, but at the very worst the folks at BlogHer would know that I was a highly professional and totally awesome audio-visual director. Right?

I decided to lean in a little further, and totally blame it on Sheryl Sandberg.

Result!



Thanks Basil. Thanks BlogHer, Elisa, Lori Luna, post production person, the editor ...and Sheryl Sandberg. Please don't beat me up for drawing you beating me up.

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9 Ways To Say NO.

Are you tired of being asked expected to work for free? Here are nine ways to say NO.

1. The Demure Negatory. If you throw in a little something shiny, they won't even know what hit them.

2. Shock and Disbelief. Trust me, you won't even need to fake it.

3. Rage. No one will mistake this for a "yes".

4. The Element of Surprise. Catch them off guard with a Cirque move!

5. Run Away Screaming. I tried this last week and it works amazingly well.

6. Over My Dead Body. This one's a little old school, but it's perfect for repeat offenders. Plus you can always throw in the threat of haunting to spice things up.

7. The Jedi Wave. Some folks simply don't get that they should pay for commercial services; they really feel entitled to free drawings and stuff, no matter how you explain it. And they even get kinda mad when you just say no. It's far better to hypnotize them. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobe, you're my only hope.

8. Mirth. Burst out laughing. Especially effective if someone offers to pay you with tweets.

9. If all else fails, Spell It Out. If you view these two drawings in the Lightbox skin, you can animate them and say the word "no" at the same time. TRY IT - just click on the drawing.

I may publish a collection of some of the more absurd emails asking me for free drawings. I'll even pay myself to illustrate it - oh, the irony!

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