5 NAKED Couples.

WARNING: Naked stick figures.

I was listening to the "Pitching Perfect" Blogging Betties podcast this week, where they were interviewing pro-writer Allison Tait. She shares good guidance on how to pitch freelance writing stories.

It's important to get an angle on a story, and the example given by Allison was, "five naked couples talking about the sex they never have". Me being me, I immediately imagined what that would look like. And me being me, the images are haunting me. So, me being me, I'm sharing them with you. You're welkies!

Couple number 1.

Couple number 2.

Couple number 3.

Couple number 4.

Couple number 5.

Allison says that you have to be able to deliver on whatever angle you pitch. Meaning you better have those five couples lined up and ready to talk naked. Good thing I can draw.

If you want to see drawings of couples having lots of preposterous sex, you should click here.

What names shall we give these couples?

Tweet

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

WARNING: Political cartooning. Also... nudity.

So....this was awkward.

It doesn't matter how loudly the Ford brothers proclaim that this shame-terview on the Jimmy Kimmel Show was a success; Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was as naked as the day that he was born.

Especially the ending.

Tweet

10 Most Preposterous Sexual Positions.

WARNING: Drawings of preposterous sexual positions. 

You get a mix on this blog: most of it is sweet and innocent. But every once in a while, when you are least expecting it (um...maybe especially when you're least expecting it), there'll be something very, very naughty.

I was inspired by a couple of links (that I can no longer find) from a big, long (tee hee) Facbook convo which has also gone missing. Also note that I've drawn one woman and one man. But you can totally change it up; girl on girl, dude on dude, multiples, fruits, veges, costumes, lego, whatevs.

Here are the 10 Most Preposterous Sexual Positions*:
*Made up by me.

10. The Osterizer.

The rotor motor is so effective, you won't know if you're coming or going.

9. The Cartwheel.

To avoid serious injury, you should probably practice this a couple of times before attempting penetration. I'm just saying. Unless you're into pain - either way, practice makes perfect.

8. The Selfie.

I'm pretty sure James Franco would approve.

7. The Double-Selfie. AKA The "Ussie".

Perfect for couples who love Instagram! By the way, you'll definitely need to use a flash in there.

6. The Lady and The Tramp.

For hardcore Disney fans. And pasta lovers.

5. The "68".

Very similar to the popular "69" sexual position. Dietary restrictions may apply.

4. The Boot. 

This is one of those cases where a picture is worth a thousand words.

3. The Cirque

Gravity can be a most effective sexual aid.

2. The Elastic.

You may like to warm up with a few stretches before attempting this.

1. The Grand Jeté. 

Named for those fabulous flying leaps and jumps you see in the ballet, this position is a winner. I swear you'll be fighting over who gets to go on top. Don't forget to point your toes!

Oops. Looks like I counted wrong. There seems to be one more preposterous sexual position. 

0. The Picasso.

My favourite! Everything is all over the damn place! Who knew elbows could be so much fun!

These Preposterous Sexual Positions are all fake (except the last one...it was during my "Blue" period). But now I wonder if anyone has tried any of these...OKAY FESS UP PEOPLES. What's the weirdest sex position you've ever done? Or place you've done it? 

Tweet

Naked on a Unicorn - Country Outfitter GIVEAWAY.

And then… THE UNIVERSE IMPLODED.

Remember my trick ploy uh plea to get you guys to help me bag my dream boots by tweeting to @CountryOutfittr? Where I promised to draw myself wearing nothing but the boots whilst riding a Unicorn?

It turns out Country Outfitter not only has a wonderful sense of humor, they can also appreciate and value your [somewhat bizarre] desire to see such a drawing. Cuz they gave me boots! Behold the awesome.

Yes, I am posing on my bed. I might be naked. Maybe. Never mind that, feast your eyes on the chocolatey swirls and turquoise detail. HAWT.

Country Outfitter were sponsoring the Aiming Low Non-Conference where I was the *ahem* Opening Keynote, down in Atlanta, and they sprung these beauties on me at the closing party.

Because you helped me out by tweeting and being amazeballs and stuff, we’re doing a giveaway contest thingie – you could win a $150 gift card to Country Outfitter AND a custom drawing from me on a mug. It's like Christmas!

To enter you must do these three things: 
NOTE: Contest open to US residents only.

1. Click here and enter your email address. Country Outfitter will occasionally send you marketing messages, and you are welcome to opt out at any time.

2. Tweet THE LINK to your favorite CountryOutfitter.com boots to me @LittleAnimation.

3. Tell me how you’d like to be drawn with those boots, in the comments below.

You need to do all three to enter.

I'll draw the winner and then I'll draw the winner. And btw I’ll just draw YOU, not you with your kids or best friends or you dancing with the different animals at the zoo. Contest closes on Monday at 9 PM. Winner announced Tuesday evening.

Oh yeah...a deal’s a deal. So here I am, naked on a Unicorn, wearing nothing but cowboy boots. Ta-daaa!

What would you do for your dream boots?

UPDATE: October 23, 2012. 

The winner of the contest has been selected by random number generator, number "10" - the tenth person to enter in the comments below. 

Congratulations to Maddy! She has a cute blog called A Little Fringe. 

Thanks to everyone who took the time to enter. That was kinda fun!

Tweet

The Grinch's Missing INCH.

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed something wrong with this dude?

I double dog dare you guys to leave the lyrics to the Mr. Grinch song in the comments. I'll start you off:

"You're a mean one, Mister Grinch..."

Tweet

The Emperor's KLOUThes.

WARNING: Full frontal nudity.

According to their blog, the new Klout scoring model is now more transparent that ever.

I dunno guys....it doesn't look any different to me.

More Klout funny?

Share.

Tweet

Chocolate AND Chippendales.

"You should draw me with a chocolate smeared face surrounded by two (not one but two!) hott guys! Preferably naked. Or not. But they must be hott."

This was @EllieM72's inspired  Second Prize winning entry in The Most EPIC Contest Evar. Originally these dudes were starkers (all danglies tastefully hidden though). But when Ellie first saw the art, she had a sudden realization.

"Oh dang it. Was gonna order mugs but how do I explain two naked guys to my girls?? :( crap"

So I covered them up with a cliché. Which only makes this drawing all the more amusing.

Don't you love watching bicycles go backwards?

Tweet

Twitter STRIPTEASE.

My last Twitter Striptease was so much fun I just had to do it again....but better. Here's the play by play on Twitter as I awaited my 10,000th Follower.

Me: 9986 ....oooh...it's getting rather warm in here. I'm taking off my shoes. #10Kstriptease

Me: 9990 Let the Twitter Striptease begin! There goes my t-shirt! *fling*

Me: 9988 Oops just lost two followers*. Putting my t-shirt back on. Haha.

Me: Hanging at 9989. I know this. It's happened exactly like this at 3000 and 5000. It's the pause before the mad rush.

Me: 9991 Taking that t-shirt off again! And easing my shorts down woohoo it's hot in here!

Me: 9992 I'm wearing boxer shorts with Oscar the Grouch on them! And a sports bra....which I'm unfastening...

Me: 9993 ....my bra just went round and round and round and fling!!!

Me: 9994 Good thing I have these giant FEATHER FANS!!!!

Me: 9995 My Oscar the Grouch boxers are booby trapped *p-twang* off they go. Nothing but my Stealth Vajazzle and these feathers.

Me: By the way, I do have a pole here in my home office. Installed for just such occasions. #TwitterPoleDance

Me: 9997 One feather fan down. *gasp*

Me: 9998 I'm hiding behind my other fan. I'm suddenly all shy. Eeek.

Me: 10,000! #NEKKID

Me: Hi @deanna1137. You're my 10,000th follower. Please forgive me for being naked but I just did a Twitter Striptease to celebrate your arrival. You win a t-shirt.

@deanna1137: Well I feel very over-dressed then! But that did make me laugh! :-)

Me: I'm gonna do a pole dance now! Whee. *takes running leap at pole*

Me: Uh-oh. My pole dance is not going as planned. I'm just going round and round the pole. My hands have too much glue on them. I'm stuck!! HALP

Me: Okaaaaay. So here I am all nekkid with my hands glued to this pole. What now? #dontanswerthat

@guiltysquid and @GeauxHeather: How are you tweeting and texting?

Me: That's a good question. Luckily I have prehensile toes.

How did I get out of this sticky situation? Tons of helpful new followers came to my rescue.

*The two followers I lost turned out to be longtime followers @CollinsBat and @kitterztoo. They told me they were going to bravely UNfollow and then REfollow to try to win just for fun. They came in at 9997 and 9998 respectively. I admire that kind of spunk and dedication so I decided to send them each a gfit from my shop.  You're welcome.

Thank-you to everyone who retweeted for others to follow me. I hope my antics entertained and amused you. And for those who may criticize that I should reward my loyal following, you might have missed this from last week.

Who woulda thunk that a striptease could be such a wonderful community builder... would you pole dance on Twitter?

Love My FANS, Pole Dance and Twitter Bird #FML gear are now available in my Zazzle Shop.

Share the fun.

Tweet