December 29, 2013

10 Most Preposterous Sexual Positions.

WARNING: Drawings of preposterous sexual positions. 

You get a mix on this blog: most of it is sweet and innocent. But every once in a while, when you are least expecting it (um...maybe especially when you're least expecting it), there'll be something very, very naughty.

I was inspired by a couple of links (that I can no longer find) from a big, long (tee hee) Facbook convo which has also gone missing. Also note that I've drawn one woman and one man. But you can totally change it up; girl on girl, dude on dude, multiples, fruits, veges, costumes, lego, whatevs.

Here are the 10 Most Preposterous Sexual Positions*:
*Made up by me.

10. The Osterizer.



The rotor motor is so effective, you won't know if you're coming or going.

9. The Cartwheel.



To avoid serious injury, you should probably practice this a couple of times before attempting penetration. I'm just saying. Unless you're into pain - either way, practice makes perfect.

8. The Selfie.



I'm pretty sure James Franco would approve.

7. The Double-Selfie. AKA The "Ussie".



Perfect for couples who love Instagram! By the way, you'll definitely need to use a flash in there.

6. The Lady and The Tramp.



For hardcore Disney fans. And pasta lovers.

5. The "68".



Very similar to the popular "69" sexual position. Dietary restrictions may apply.

4. The Boot. 



This is one of those cases where a picture is worth a thousand words.

3. The Cirque



Gravity can be a most effective sexual aid.

2. The Elastic.




You may like to warm up with a few stretches before attempting this.

1. The Grand Jeté. 




Named for those fabulous flying leaps and jumps you see in the ballet, this position is a winner. I swear you'll be fighting over who gets to go on top. Don't forget to point your toes!

Oops. Looks like I counted wrong. There seems to be one more preposterous sexual position. 

0. The Picasso.

My favourite! Everything is all over the damn place! Who knew elbows could be so much fun!

These Preposterous Sexual Positions are all fake (except the last one...it was during my "Blue" period). But now I wonder if anyone has tried any of these...OKAY FESS UP PEOPLES. What's the weirdest sex position you've ever done? Or place you've done it? 


26 comments:

  1. The most adventurous we've gotten was with our clothes on and with other people (no, not in THAT way). It was during an Eden Fantasy's decorating party during Blog Her 2010. I was the only guy there as we all glued various things onto dildos. And, yes, I did take (and blog) pictures from the party!

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    1. Ah yes, I remember that blog post! One man in a sea of estrogen, and a whole lot of toys.

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  2. The ever painful but pleasurable "Arc de Triomphe"
    ow!

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    Replies
    1. What the whatta? Sounds very French!

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    2. gonna hafta work on those hamstrings

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  3. Weirdest sexual position: pregnant...a mixture of don't touch me, touch firmer, wtf are you doing?!?, harder, faster, slower, softer, wtf are you doing anything? Why aren't you doing anything, just leave me alone, why won't you touch me?!?! I think this position will work...can't bend or lay that way...lets try a pillow placed here...stupid pillow is in the way. I know we just did this the other day, but that was then, this is now, don't even look at me! I'm just going to play Candy Crush in between naps & pee breaks... I'm hungry, can you get me something to eat? I don't care, but fresh orange juice sounds divine...oh, and do we have any Chinese food? I want something spicy, but don't forget my heartburn meds...zzzzzzzzz

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  4. Definitely what Stephie said, LOL

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  5. I have tried a few different things in my younger, drunker days, but nothing like these. I'm looking forward to trying the cartwheel one though.

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    1. Don't forget to limber up first. I wouldn't want you to lose anything.

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  6. Once we tried the double back while doing breaststroke underwater while eating french fries. Worked for me, but my partner drowned. He wasn't a strong swimmer.

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    1. Hahaha! That's what he gets for doing it with a mermaid :D

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  7. Once we tried the double back while doing breaststroke underwater while eating french fries. Worked for me, but my partner drowned. He wasn't a strong swimmer.

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  8. I prefer to twerk while doing The Cirque.

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  9. Clearly I need to work on flexibility.

    You're crazy, btw.;)

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  10. Beautiful. The writers of the Kama Sutra will weep. But don't forget about the "Lazy Ventriloquist" the "Excited Kangaroo" the "Oopsie Poopsie" and the "That's Not Mine".

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    1. Thank-you Pickleope. The "That's Not Mine" is intriguing...

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  11. omg, and yeah, I'd like to see you try one of these --

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  12. Animators are made of rubber. Everyone knows that.

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  13. These are brilliant Jc, you little kinkster! Reminds me of a post we did - 7 Sex Positions I Won’t Be Trying Without A Helmet - except with yours I think I'd have my partner sign a liability waiver first! http://toywithme.com/articles/sex-positions/

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    Replies
    1. Ah there it is! I was giggling about that post on your site. Thanks for reposting it here!

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  14. When I was 7+ months pregnant with the twins we attempted couch sex in the suite on our "babymoon" getaway. It didn't go well. We gave up.

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Cuz You Rocketh.