Epic #toonswag at #BlogHer14.

I started toonswagging at my first BlogHer in 2012, and in the past two years, have collected nearly 100 souls, no other way to describe it. I probably have enough for a book.

There is nothing quite like plucking a face from the crowd and drawing them right there on the spot. True, the drawings are simple, but I do try my best to gather the features that sparkle and infuse them into a nuance of line. People don't sit still for long at a conference, so I have to be quick.

And so it was with Teneshia Jackson-Warner, the Morning Keynote for BlogHer's Pathfinder Day. What an extra-ordinary woman. Her path from volunteer to Hip-Hop mogul Russell Simmons to founding the award-winning marketing firm Egami is truly remarkable. She's got the focus of a laser.

Tenacious with a capital T-E-N-E-S-H-I-A-S.

I was lucky enough to be thrust in front of her by my friend Alexandra (scroll down) and someone named Isabel, who turned out to be AlphaMom (I had no idea, holy fark-a-doodle, I am so ignorant). Anyways, thanks to them I was able to show Teneshia the toonswag and she said she'd send it to her mom. I only send my mom drawings of me that I like, so I guess that's all good.

This is Linda Roy, who won a Voice Of The Year (VOTY). She's a friend from the Aiming Low NonCon, blogger at Elleroy Was Here and co-founder of the burgeoning Lefty Pop site for smart people. She's also the magical embodiment of rock and roll, when it settles down and has a family. I've been wanting to draw Linda's face forever, so it was like my hand already knew what to do.

Instant Rock: just add ukulele.

Jenny Lawson really needs no introduction. She was the Opening Keynote for the conference itself, and even though she's super famous, she comes across as refreshingly real. The Bloggess is one of the few speakers I've seen who can monologue without plummeting into the abyss of ego and conceit. Here she is, corpse hair in place, and also, slightly on fire. Because why not?

"Don't be mean." Wise words from Jenny.

Normally I ask people's permission to post their toonswag, but in this case I was just too shy to line up and see her at the book signing. Shy and embarrassed about those times I wrote to her asking her to write a blurb for my books. SORRY, THE BLOGGESS! Public figures get toonswagged sometimes! (I will totally take this down if you hate it though. Please don't sue me.)

Aliza Worthington, from The Worthington Post and other publications. She accosted me I bumped into her on an escalator last year and we just clicked. Then we spent a year clicking on the Internet and became Friendlies. She's got a very powerful Red Pen and won't hesitate to use it on your writings if you are an ignoramus.

The Red Pen - IGNORAMI BEWARE.

Hilarious, intelligent and insightful, a writer (and vlogger - see Don't Take Viagra) to watch for; Aliza I love your face.

"Pssssst....MONKEYFARTS!"

I met, and hugged, Roxanne Piskel from Unintentionally Brilliant. She's one of the people I talk with regularly on social media, but when you find that person standing in front of you in the realzies, the relationship changes and becomes something new. I was looking into her lovely face, all shy giggles and enormous brown eyes and I was thinking, there's a lot of layers of sensitivity here. I recommend you read her take on BlogHer14; it's pretty raw, and very well written.

She may try to steal your shoes.

Every time I turned a corner at the conference, I would see Christine Harkin (of Napttime Writing). She and I were gravitating to the same tables at all the keynotes. Either that or she was stalking me. 

YOU GUYS. SHE WON A VOTY. Twice.

When I bumped into her last year, we had apparently already spent some hours together hitting on entertaining unsuspecting sponsors at the Expo Hall the previous day. But I remember none of it because I had The Drunkies, which she was kind enough to point out, by saying, "You were really drunk last night". Yes folks, I was that blogger. Christine had unknowingly tripped over my 'secret' elephant, and in so doing, shifted me a little closer to this side of the line. I owe her a debt of gratitude for it.

"I'm sorry but women apologize too much." 

I love that. Her no-bullshit style is so cool...and smart. And there we were on a really big bed at Deb Rox's Queerosphere party. How could I not draw Christine? She is part Elf. 

Arianna Huffington, media-maven...interviewed by Guy Kawasaki, tech-evangelist, for the lunchtime Keynote....could you not find two more social-media-savvy personalities BlogHer? Seriously. Guy asked questions knowing full well that Arianna wasn't going to answer them. It was extremely amusing.

Sleep is easily recommended from a point of privilege.

So she talked about her new book, Thrive, insisting that the key to a happy and successful life is simply to get more sleep. TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW ARIANNA.

Canadian (like moi) Julie Nowell blogs at Three Chickens And A Boat. She is much taller than I am. We know this because she bent down and smiled at me at Blissdom in Toronto last autumn. She said, 

"I think you are lovely". 

And I believed her. You see how easy it is to make people happy? 

Julie sat cross-legged on the floor in the hallway so I could draw her. She is so nice.

Two chicks and a house.

She has a baby chick and it is the cutest thing ever. Baby animal videos rule. Animators figured that out a long time ago, thanks to Mr. Disney. 

Sometimes people message me privately and ask me to illustrate their book. Tammy Soong, from World's Worst Moms, was one of these people. I told her, "No way Tammy. You can illustrate your own book".  To which she replied, "You've got to be fucking kidding me," or something along those lines. 

To cut a long story short, I gave her a little push and the next thing you know she's illustrating her blogposts and winning VOTY's. It was a proud moment to see my mentee on stage and reading her illustrated post "First Reason Not To Get A Tattoo: Your Mom Probably Has One" in front of several thousand people. I teared up! Even when her images came out of order (I live in fear of this), Tammy shone, rescuing the funny out of a very stressful moment by clicking furiously through all the drawings. Can you say "animation"? Read about it here.

Plotting world domination, obviously.

Tammy is one third of my favourite podcast, The Blogging Betties - you can see more of her hilarious art flourishings over on their blog. (WARNING: If you ever meet Poppy Marler, make sure you're wearing steel-toe boots. She's an uninhibited toe-cracker. *shakes tiny fist at Poppy*).

You can go anywhere in the world and find an #UsGuys. Marla Schulman and I met online through this great group of mostly-social-media-marketers. After missing a conference in Arkansas last year due to a...uh, visa malfunction, it seemed like Marla and I might never meetup IRL.  

"JC! OVER HERE!"

I turned around and saw her running towards me. Hurrah for BlogHer! 

The Divine Ms. M.

Marla is an Idea Generator. Drawing her in person, I couldn't help but be impressed with her confidence - we are really similar in that we both have creative minds and producer skills. And we are also both extremely sexy, but you guys knew that.

Here's a surprize: it's Lucy Ball, from My Life As Lucille! We finally met at BlogHer but I didn't have a chance to draw her because my iPad kept dying. So this is a Latertoonswag. Which is just like a Latergram on Instagram, only toonswagged. I'm making this up as I go along. Hurrah!

"The Bloggess signed my boob."

Oh yes she did.

I am pretty sure Lucy looked just like this when she saw this drawing. #animated

And finally, Alexandra Rosas of Good Day, Regular People. Super-fricken talented writer. VOTY Winner and 10X10 Speaker. All the feels and so much heart. She's a blogger's blogger...and she's my friend. 

Following her around the Expo Hall like a baby sister, we stopped in front of The Mrs mirror-thingie. I put the headphones on and stared at my reflection as Alexandra whispered to me from inside the booth. She said wonderful things. Things that she'd gleaned from reading between the lines of my blog. Things that are difficult to listen to, because for some reason it's hard to take a compliment. I had to blink a lot.

The Empress.

She would not let me reciprocate, insisting that it was a one-way-deal. But I would like to say this to you now, if you're reading this Alexandra: you make me want to give. Making people want to give is a gift. Thank-you. And thank-you for saying "terror shits" on stage at the VOTY 10X10. That was awesome.

*     *     *     *     *

There's one waiting for you.

Is it feasible to sell a toonswag book? There's gotta be a way to harness #toonswag for a good cause... I'm thinking of hooking up with a sponsor and a charity and doing a three way cross-promo: Postpartum progress? Cancer research? Multiple sclerosis? Your input please.

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Visual Storytelling at #BlogHer14

I'm so over Italy already! Heading out to California tomorrow afternoon where I'll be hanging out with my cousin and her husband at the very cool Ink + Smog in LA. I'm also going to see some animation industry friends because Hollywood, and then I'll be heading up to the BlogHer conference in San Jose. My friend Neil Kramer is driving and someone has to make sure he doesn't fall asleep at the wheel. That someone would be moi. I make an excellent passenger.

This will be my third BlogHer. If we've never met, and you come up to me IRL and say "Hi JC!" I may stare blankly at you. This is because I'm a visual person and I'm used to seeing your avatar and stuff. Also, Internet friendships are contextual, you know? I might know you as the person I talked about magical dog poop with on Twitter. So if I space on you, try saying, "Hi! I'm the magical dog poop person!" And then I'll totally know who you are and we can hug IRL.

Alternately, you can simply whisper the Secret Password:

The Secret Password is "monkey farts".

If you do I'll know that you're MY PEOPLE. You should only whisper the Secret Password if you don't mind being hugged, squeezed and possibly accidentally groped.

There will be Toonswag. Here is a sample (it's Neil. And by the way he will not be taking Instagrams while driving to San Jose...unless he wants to get thwacked.):

This adorkable dude blogs at Citizen of the Month. He hates being called "dude".

Also this is happening:

I'm speaking on Friday afternoon, in a panel on The Visual Web track called "Developing Your Visual Voice". The other speakers on the panel are Jill Krause (Baby Rabies), Melanie Perkins (Canva) and Vanessa Bell (De Su Mama) and you can find out more about it here. My bit will be on visual storytelling, with tips and tricks on how to use simplification techniques to illustrate stories and concepts. Also it will have drawings and animation.

If you're coming to BlogHer I hope that you'll find a way to make it to this session. I can promise you that it will be fun (because cartoons), you'll learn something (because cartoons) and it will likely be somewhat different to what you're used to seeing at social media conferences (...because cartoons). And there will be a free monkey button for everyone who comes.*

*While quantities last.

Wish me luck getting over this beastly jetlag. Who wants toonswag?

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Leaning in with a CLEAR Wish.

I was waiting for my VOTY Award video to be officially posted on the BlogHer site. It was my hope that my live reading of "How To Check For Pinworms" would be so freaking funny that I could use it to propel myself into another realm. And, you know, build on that. I couldn't wait to see it!

But when the videos went live I was crushed to find that most of my performance was replaced by my illustrations. Okay, they're a big part of the story, but who wants to sit and watch a still image with voice-over for four minutes? Big editing faux-pas! You need to cut back to the speaker or it's boring.

Major disappointment!

The questions assaulted me. Why had the editor done this? Did the camera break? Did the footage accidentally get deleted? Was my performance so awful? Perhaps I'd imagined the laughter and applause...?

I couldn't send this link out. Besides my own needs, it failed on entertainment value for my tribe.

I knew I should just reach out to BlogHer and ask them if anything could be done. But I was scared. What if they think I'm ungrateful? What if they think I'm making trouble? What if they think I'm a bitch?

They're probably too busy. They won't remember me. I'm nothing. I hate myself.

I admit that I cried real tears. Man, I felt so sorry for myself. I went through a box of tissues...it was pathetic!

Suddenly Sheryl Sandberg popped into my head.

She gave me the ninja smackdown (in my imagination).

My husband had a friend in London named Basil Saunders (now departed, may he rest in peace) who used to say, "Give me a clear wish." Meaning that one should always state clearly what they want without waffling or hiding. I decided to write to BlogHer and tell them my clear wish. I wrote directly to BlogHer co-founder Elisa Camahort Page. Because if I'm going to lean in like Sheryl Sandberg says I should, I'm going to the top.

And do you know what? They did fix the video - but the voice and image was now noticeably out of synch. Crap! I struggled with my self loathing all over again.

Then it struck me that my whole BlogHer takeaway was one of 'empowerment'. It would be the jugular of irony if I couldn't empower myself to push for this synch error to be fixed. They might roll their eyes, but at the very worst the folks at BlogHer would know that I was a highly professional and totally awesome audio-visual director. Right?

I decided to lean in a little further, and totally blame it on Sheryl Sandberg.

Result!



Thanks Basil. Thanks BlogHer, Elisa, Lori Luna, post production person, the editor ...and Sheryl Sandberg. Please don't beat me up for drawing you beating me up.

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#BlogHer - TOONswag Adventures...day 4.

After the VOTY Awards I did not drink. Much. I crashed early and walked around on a cloud the whole next day. So many people kept walking up to me and saying (mostly) nice things.

It was wonderful...almost like being famous for real! I tried to say thank-you to everyone. And I smiled all day long.

In fact, I found I was smiling so hard I thought my face would split.

Is it possible to smile too much...? I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.

I went to a BlogHer session led by my friend Tracy Beckerman; she's a successful syndicated humor columnist and was sharing valuable guidance about that side of publishing. Tracy's just got a new book out, called Lost in Suburbia (so freaking funny) - I think she's still lost though, cuz she kept looking at her slides during the session and asking, "where are we?"

Did I mention that the second person to whisper the secret toonswag password was Arnebya Herndon of What Now and Why? ? Only I had The Drunkies at the time so I rain-checked her until Saturday afternoon.

And lo, I discovered her holding down the bed in the Serta display at the Expo because, as she tweeted to me, "...of reasons." I think those "reasons" turned out to be the long line of eager beavers queuing up to spin the Wheel of Ecstasy (or whatever it was called), in the hopes of winning a vibrator at the Trojan booth opposite us. And folks: the Serta bed also vibrates. Oh, yes it does. Because of reasons.

This "good vibes" moment was captured by Deborah Goldstein from Peaches and Coconuts.

Arnebya has elegance and wit to spare; anyone who saw her introducing the OpEd category at the VOTY's couldn't help but be struck by not only her incredible stage presence, but her ultra-dry sense of humor. Give this girl some loob, Trojan!

I actually have some friends from the innerwebs who are not BlogHers, they are UsGuys. Mark BernHardt came down to party with us at the Sheraton Chi Bar; there was Chardonnay, toonswag and a doohicky (← ask Mark about this highly technical term; he'll tellya). Dude's already making good use of his toon on his About.me page.

I bounced up to the BlogHer Fashion Show, screamed my head off at all the sheer majesticness of real women looking awesome and then went to parties. Usually I'm shy at parties unless I know people, but for some reason I was UNshy on this day. Possibly cuz of all the smiling?

Every once in a while you meet someone in The Realzies who is perfectly reppin' their online persona. One such person is Virgina Sanders. Except for one small detail: no way was I ready for how gorgeous she is. Above and beyond superficial skin deep gorgeous, I'm talking rumbling deep down in your soul gorgeous.

Virgina is the Kiss Chronicles blogger famously unkissed until the age of 30, whereupon she auctioned off her first kiss and wrote a book about it. I need to know what happens in the end of the story, i.e. Who did she kiss? Was it a simple dry peck or a sloppy all-tongues-on-deck dribbler? And was there a second kiss??? Find out.

Okay now remember the second night when I got The Drunkies? That ball got rolling when "those who would be drawn" bought me a glass of Chardonnay and by "those" I mean Heather from Stepford Life. Apparently "batteries are not included" with Heather Ann Prast McDonnell, but neither are they needed cuz she's completely energized without them. Actually my iPad died and I recharged it just by waving it at her.

I had so much fun trying to keep up with this woman. Heather gets not one, but two toonswags because she's got an actual cupcake shop called Cupcrazed.

Yes. My love can be bought.

I'm sorry folks' but there you have it. I'm a slut for Chardonnay and cupcakes. But really, can you blame me?

I staggered up to my room, played in my pile of swag and passed out for one last glorious night all by myself in a big, big bed, grinning from ear to ear.

Abbie Gale! Oh Abbie Gale! Please add this to your List of Dumb Ways to Die at BlogHer.

Toonswag PEEPLES. Go draw somebody. Tell them I sent you.

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#BlogHer13 - Queen Latifah & my VOTY AWARD.

It's only just sinking in that I was selected as a VOTY winner, for my illustrated story "How To Check For Pinworms". In the educational Humor Category, no less.

You guys know what the Voice of the Year Award is, right? It's only like, the Oscars of the blogosphere. One hundred honorees are selected from 2600 submissions; of those, twelve are awarded the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to read their winning blogposts at the BlogHer Community Keynote. I was one of twelve.

If you blog, this is a Big Deal. It is peer recognition, community celebration, and the chance to wear that fancy dress on a stage all rolled into one. There is no prize money or gifts or even a break on the registration fee; it's just honor, plain and simple.

So there I was, massively hungover and knowing I had to get up on a stage and tell 5000+ fellow bloggers a funny story about bumholes and pinworms, (with drawings). And did I mention that Queen Latifah was emceeing the Awards? 

We were told to meet at 4:30 in "the greenroom" in the backstage area. Although I felt a bit like death, I somehow managed to arrive on time, but the place was deserted. I asked a non-judgmental hotel security guard for guidance.

She took me behind the stage, past a labyrinth of black gear boxes, cables taped to the floor, and a row of five dudes sitting at tables with laptops and fancy tech stuff with blinking lights. It was all very official back there. It would have been intimidating but I was busy concentrating on surviving my hangover, specifically keeping bodily fluids from leaving without permission.

The security guard put me in a curtained off room. It was nice in there; fresh cut flowers and comfy sofas. I gratefully sank into one, thinking, wow, they're really treating us well! I turned inward to try to focus...

I wasn't really nervous about performing my piece; I use it in one of my lectures about Visual Storytelling and I know how to work it. But the timing of the images has to be perfect or the story falls flat. No one had yet communicated to me if I was going to be able to control this myself with a clicky thing.

As I sat quietly fretting about this, a scary lady with a headset pulled back the curtain and barked, "Who are YOU?!?"

Turns out they'd accidentally put me in Queen Latifah's greenroom. Scary Lady kicked me out.

I thought that sofa was a bit too comfy anyways.

The Readers' greenroom looked like this:

I sat there by myself for fifteen minutes. The other eleven readers joined me, plus the hardworking BlogHer organizers. We were lined up in order on the chairs (I was second). Apparently Queen Latifah was stuck in traffic eating pizza so there was a delay. The energy backstage was a mix of nerves and serenity; women hugged one another, did yoga stretches, and silently practiced their speeches. I was given the clicky thing whereupon my worries about timing my slides dissipated.

Suddenly a gorgeous tall woman in a black and white dress breezed into the backstage area, followed by a couple of 'handlers' and a video cameraman. Everything about her screamed DEAL WITH IT. The star had arrived.

She smiled a zillion watts and said (sic), "How yall doin? My name is Laaaaaa....!"

And my brain went into full *holeefuuuuqQUEENLATIFAHisstandingrightinfrontofme* reverb. I couldn't speak. All I could think of was that I had to take a picture for my mom. I crept forward with my iPhone and turned around so QL was behind me.

My intention was to just get her in the background with my selfie in the foreground. But she saw me doing it.

And the rest is photobomb history.

This gif was SubWOW's idea. 

Best hangover cure ever! Armed with a couple of Queen Latifah's sparkles I climbed the stage (without tripping - high-five!) and delivered my story with previously untapped panache. I may have been channeling a mix of Eddie Izzard, Louis CK and Captain Underpants....

Hearing so many people laughing in all the right places was extremely gratifying and I'll never, ever forget it. Afterward, someone mentioned that one person actually couldn't handle the wormy bits and had to walk out. It made me realize how far I'd pushed the limits by winning a VOTY for this story. My pinworms and I trolled the entire audience and all but one made it through.

Doesn't that somehow make it more meaningful?

Thank-you BlogHer, thank-you to the selection committee, and thank-you to everyone who laughed in all the right places, at a story about a little boy with an itchy bum.


Tune in to The Queen Latifah Show.

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#BlogHer13 - TOONswag & The Drunkies...day 2/3

Meanwhile, back at the Sheraton's Chi Bar...

Oh BlogHers, I'm a cheap date. It doesn't take much to get me drunk and I'm a bit of a slut for Chardonnay, so when those who would be drawn plied me with chilled glasses of the stuff I didn't stand a chance. I got completely distracted and forgot my Number 1 Rule: never drink on an empty stomach.

But first, there was toonswag. I asked Angela Belford to pose and she agreed.

VP of Sales and Marketing for Theraderm skin care, Angela has natural beauty and poise. She radiates confidence.

Believe it or not, very few people come marching up to me to say "Please drawez moi". I imagine they must be shy but more likely it's because they don't know who I am or what I do. So quite often I have to ask if I may draw them. I'm pretty shy myself (unless Chardonnay) so I have to work at it. But I'm getting better; I now realize that I draw people to draw them to me.

FINALLY Lizz Porter showed up. She's kind of a big deal cuz not only is she the blogger behind Am I A Funny Girl, but HELLO she was owning the catwalk in the BlogHer fashion show this year. Lizz is unapologetic-ally way taller than me (I am short). So I drew her as a chibi, to even things up a bit.

So chic. AND FUNNY. I hope I did her justice. She only gave me fifteen minutes to whip it up on account of her being a celeblogger now.....*sigh*.

By now I'd had ONE glass of wine. Then Adam, my old room mate from 1988 showed up and whisked me away for drinksies with his lovely wife. Here's a drawing I did of him 25 years ago:

There was ANOTHER GLASS of rosé. And a ride in a porsche.



I managed to find my new best friend Lin, the blogger behind The Absence Of Alternatives in the EXPO Hall. She looks like this:

EXPO Halls are a maze of crazy: people work long hours in there, handing out swag, engaging in lively conversation and generally being "on". Bloggers scrape the booths for free stuff (much of which is, let's face it, food for the land fill). But some is useful! We gravitated to the sparkling wine (just ONE GLASS I SWEAR) and stumbled into the Kuyam booth where lo and behold, a fellow artist lurked!

Jackie Chang was both working the booth and drawing people. She's talented - blimey, just see her stuff at JaxCha.com.

Look, she depicted me with a champers flute; I guess I do look a little squiffed already. She was the only person that I toonswagged who actually drew me back. I wonder if was the same for her...?

Back at the Sheraton I forgot all about dinner, put on my party frock and elevatored down to the BlogHer Welcome Reception. Another glass of wine (does that make FOUR or FIVE?) and The Drunkies set in for realz. But I managed to do one more toonswag that night: Deborah Goldstein, who blogs at Peaches & Coconuts.

I'm still pretending she didn't know that my liver was saturated. Never drink and draw, people. Unless you are me. After that, Lin and I closed the bar. Gah.

Happy Hangover.

The next morning was bad. I shunned the light of day and tried to remain horizontal as long as possible. In the end it was hunger starvation that forced me to venture out in search of nourishment. That's the only reason I got to see Guy Kawasaki's keynote. Toonswag!

I hear animators moaning all the time about how they want to make their film but can't for whatever reason and I tell them the same thing. So Guy's words made sense to me.

But oh man, I felt like death. I was massively hungover, and I had to do my VOTY Award performance thing in just a couple of hours. Like with Queen Latifah. On a stage in front of five thousand bloggers. GULP. How do I even...?

But that's another blogpost...

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