Bossy.

I've been called bossy my whole life. I usually shrugged it off as just another word used by my brothers to try to belittle me. Which it never did. I knew what I wanted and was saying it out loud. Being bossy was a good thing when I was a kid.

Only once did this word bring me down, when I was in my early twenties. One of my girlfriends told me I was "bossy". She hurled the word at me in an argument and it stopped me in my tracks. Afterwards, thoughtful, I went out with a male friend, who happened to be in the military.

"Steve...do you think I'm bossy?" I asked him.

"JC," he said, looking right at me, "You have leadership qualities."

"Ok. So then I am bossy."

*     *     *     *     *

I've been reading some chatter on the Innerwebs around this word lately. Last night, I was putting my son to bed, and we snuggled (yes, he's fourteen and still wants to snuggle sometimes) and mused about life. I decided to ask his opinion.

"Boy....do you think I'm bossy?" I asked him.

He said, "YEAH MOM. You are SO bossy!!"

"What do I say or do that's bossy?"

"Mawwwm! You say, (high-pitched lady voice) "Start your homework, come help with the dishes, clean up your room, eat properly!" GEEZ it's so annoying!"

"Okay. So then I am bossy."

I smiled. I'm alright with this.

What do you think of the word "bossy"?

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Leaning in with a CLEAR Wish.

I was waiting for my VOTY Award video to be officially posted on the BlogHer site. It was my hope that my live reading of "How To Check For Pinworms" would be so freaking funny that I could use it to propel myself into another realm. And, you know, build on that. I couldn't wait to see it!

But when the videos went live I was crushed to find that most of my performance was replaced by my illustrations. Okay, they're a big part of the story, but who wants to sit and watch a still image with voice-over for four minutes? Big editing faux-pas! You need to cut back to the speaker or it's boring.

Major disappointment!

The questions assaulted me. Why had the editor done this? Did the camera break? Did the footage accidentally get deleted? Was my performance so awful? Perhaps I'd imagined the laughter and applause...?

I couldn't send this link out. Besides my own needs, it failed on entertainment value for my tribe.

I knew I should just reach out to BlogHer and ask them if anything could be done. But I was scared. What if they think I'm ungrateful? What if they think I'm making trouble? What if they think I'm a bitch?

They're probably too busy. They won't remember me. I'm nothing. I hate myself.

I admit that I cried real tears. Man, I felt so sorry for myself. I went through a box of tissues...it was pathetic!

Suddenly Sheryl Sandberg popped into my head.

She gave me the ninja smackdown (in my imagination).

My husband had a friend in London named Basil Saunders (now departed, may he rest in peace) who used to say, "Give me a clear wish." Meaning that one should always state clearly what they want without waffling or hiding. I decided to write to BlogHer and tell them my clear wish. I wrote directly to BlogHer co-founder Elisa Camahort Page. Because if I'm going to lean in like Sheryl Sandberg says I should, I'm going to the top.

And do you know what? They did fix the video - but the voice and image was now noticeably out of synch. Crap! I struggled with my self loathing all over again.

Then it struck me that my whole BlogHer takeaway was one of 'empowerment'. It would be the jugular of irony if I couldn't empower myself to push for this synch error to be fixed. They might roll their eyes, but at the very worst the folks at BlogHer would know that I was a highly professional and totally awesome audio-visual director. Right?

I decided to lean in a little further, and totally blame it on Sheryl Sandberg.

Result!



Thanks Basil. Thanks BlogHer, Elisa, Lori Luna, post production person, the editor ...and Sheryl Sandberg. Please don't beat me up for drawing you beating me up.

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