7 Stolen moments.

None of these people knew I was drawing them, as I was drawing them.

A man sitting across from me in the waiting room of the doctor's office.

A young woman passing the time on her laptop in the airport departure lounge.

Betsy's hat flirted with me during a BlogHer session.

A girl answers her celphone on the streets of Chicago, probably on her lunch hour.

Megan's hair is thick and rich and I can't do it justice.

All our flights were delayed coming home from Chicago. This guy stared at his Blackberry for two hours, the sun streaming in behind him as it dropped lower in the sky.

This child caught my eye. When you are two, holding still is impossible (unless you are asleep). I had to be quick.

Who do these moments belong to?

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Leaning in with a CLEAR Wish.

I was waiting for my VOTY Award video to be officially posted on the BlogHer site. It was my hope that my live reading of "How To Check For Pinworms" would be so freaking funny that I could use it to propel myself into another realm. And, you know, build on that. I couldn't wait to see it!

But when the videos went live I was crushed to find that most of my performance was replaced by my illustrations. Okay, they're a big part of the story, but who wants to sit and watch a still image with voice-over for four minutes? Big editing faux-pas! You need to cut back to the speaker or it's boring.

Major disappointment!

The questions assaulted me. Why had the editor done this? Did the camera break? Did the footage accidentally get deleted? Was my performance so awful? Perhaps I'd imagined the laughter and applause...?

I couldn't send this link out. Besides my own needs, it failed on entertainment value for my tribe.

I knew I should just reach out to BlogHer and ask them if anything could be done. But I was scared. What if they think I'm ungrateful? What if they think I'm making trouble? What if they think I'm a bitch?

They're probably too busy. They won't remember me. I'm nothing. I hate myself.

I admit that I cried real tears. Man, I felt so sorry for myself. I went through a box of tissues...it was pathetic!

Suddenly Sheryl Sandberg popped into my head.

She gave me the ninja smackdown (in my imagination).

My husband had a friend in London named Basil Saunders (now departed, may he rest in peace) who used to say, "Give me a clear wish." Meaning that one should always state clearly what they want without waffling or hiding. I decided to write to BlogHer and tell them my clear wish. I wrote directly to BlogHer co-founder Elisa Camahort Page. Because if I'm going to lean in like Sheryl Sandberg says I should, I'm going to the top.

And do you know what? They did fix the video - but the voice and image was now noticeably out of synch. Crap! I struggled with my self loathing all over again.

Then it struck me that my whole BlogHer takeaway was one of 'empowerment'. It would be the jugular of irony if I couldn't empower myself to push for this synch error to be fixed. They might roll their eyes, but at the very worst the folks at BlogHer would know that I was a highly professional and totally awesome audio-visual director. Right?

I decided to lean in a little further, and totally blame it on Sheryl Sandberg.

Result!



Thanks Basil. Thanks BlogHer, Elisa, Lori Luna, post production person, the editor ...and Sheryl Sandberg. Please don't beat me up for drawing you beating me up.

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#BlogHer - TOONswag Adventures...day 4.

After the VOTY Awards I did not drink. Much. I crashed early and walked around on a cloud the whole next day. So many people kept walking up to me and saying (mostly) nice things.

It was wonderful...almost like being famous for real! I tried to say thank-you to everyone. And I smiled all day long.

In fact, I found I was smiling so hard I thought my face would split.

Is it possible to smile too much...? I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.

I went to a BlogHer session led by my friend Tracy Beckerman; she's a successful syndicated humor columnist and was sharing valuable guidance about that side of publishing. Tracy's just got a new book out, called Lost in Suburbia (so freaking funny) - I think she's still lost though, cuz she kept looking at her slides during the session and asking, "where are we?"

Did I mention that the second person to whisper the secret toonswag password was Arnebya Herndon of What Now and Why? ? Only I had The Drunkies at the time so I rain-checked her until Saturday afternoon.

And lo, I discovered her holding down the bed in the Serta display at the Expo because, as she tweeted to me, "...of reasons." I think those "reasons" turned out to be the long line of eager beavers queuing up to spin the Wheel of Ecstasy (or whatever it was called), in the hopes of winning a vibrator at the Trojan booth opposite us. And folks: the Serta bed also vibrates. Oh, yes it does. Because of reasons.

This "good vibes" moment was captured by Deborah Goldstein from Peaches and Coconuts.

Arnebya has elegance and wit to spare; anyone who saw her introducing the OpEd category at the VOTY's couldn't help but be struck by not only her incredible stage presence, but her ultra-dry sense of humor. Give this girl some loob, Trojan!

I actually have some friends from the innerwebs who are not BlogHers, they are UsGuys. Mark BernHardt came down to party with us at the Sheraton Chi Bar; there was Chardonnay, toonswag and a doohicky (← ask Mark about this highly technical term; he'll tellya). Dude's already making good use of his toon on his About.me page.

I bounced up to the BlogHer Fashion Show, screamed my head off at all the sheer majesticness of real women looking awesome and then went to parties. Usually I'm shy at parties unless I know people, but for some reason I was UNshy on this day. Possibly cuz of all the smiling?

Every once in a while you meet someone in The Realzies who is perfectly reppin' their online persona. One such person is Virgina Sanders. Except for one small detail: no way was I ready for how gorgeous she is. Above and beyond superficial skin deep gorgeous, I'm talking rumbling deep down in your soul gorgeous.

Virgina is the Kiss Chronicles blogger famously unkissed until the age of 30, whereupon she auctioned off her first kiss and wrote a book about it. I need to know what happens in the end of the story, i.e. Who did she kiss? Was it a simple dry peck or a sloppy all-tongues-on-deck dribbler? And was there a second kiss??? Find out.

Okay now remember the second night when I got The Drunkies? That ball got rolling when "those who would be drawn" bought me a glass of Chardonnay and by "those" I mean Heather from Stepford Life. Apparently "batteries are not included" with Heather Ann Prast McDonnell, but neither are they needed cuz she's completely energized without them. Actually my iPad died and I recharged it just by waving it at her.

I had so much fun trying to keep up with this woman. Heather gets not one, but two toonswags because she's got an actual cupcake shop called Cupcrazed.

Yes. My love can be bought.

I'm sorry folks' but there you have it. I'm a slut for Chardonnay and cupcakes. But really, can you blame me?

I staggered up to my room, played in my pile of swag and passed out for one last glorious night all by myself in a big, big bed, grinning from ear to ear.

Abbie Gale! Oh Abbie Gale! Please add this to your List of Dumb Ways to Die at BlogHer.

Toonswag PEEPLES. Go draw somebody. Tell them I sent you.

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#BlogHer13 - Queen Latifah & my VOTY AWARD.

It's only just sinking in that I was selected as a VOTY winner, for my illustrated story "How To Check For Pinworms". In the educational Humor Category, no less.

You guys know what the Voice of the Year Award is, right? It's only like, the Oscars of the blogosphere. One hundred honorees are selected from 2600 submissions; of those, twelve are awarded the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to read their winning blogposts at the BlogHer Community Keynote. I was one of twelve.

If you blog, this is a Big Deal. It is peer recognition, community celebration, and the chance to wear that fancy dress on a stage all rolled into one. There is no prize money or gifts or even a break on the registration fee; it's just honor, plain and simple.

So there I was, massively hungover and knowing I had to get up on a stage and tell 5000+ fellow bloggers a funny story about bumholes and pinworms, (with drawings). And did I mention that Queen Latifah was emceeing the Awards? 

We were told to meet at 4:30 in "the greenroom" in the backstage area. Although I felt a bit like death, I somehow managed to arrive on time, but the place was deserted. I asked a non-judgmental hotel security guard for guidance.

She took me behind the stage, past a labyrinth of black gear boxes, cables taped to the floor, and a row of five dudes sitting at tables with laptops and fancy tech stuff with blinking lights. It was all very official back there. It would have been intimidating but I was busy concentrating on surviving my hangover, specifically keeping bodily fluids from leaving without permission.

The security guard put me in a curtained off room. It was nice in there; fresh cut flowers and comfy sofas. I gratefully sank into one, thinking, wow, they're really treating us well! I turned inward to try to focus...

I wasn't really nervous about performing my piece; I use it in one of my lectures about Visual Storytelling and I know how to work it. But the timing of the images has to be perfect or the story falls flat. No one had yet communicated to me if I was going to be able to control this myself with a clicky thing.

As I sat quietly fretting about this, a scary lady with a headset pulled back the curtain and barked, "Who are YOU?!?"

Turns out they'd accidentally put me in Queen Latifah's greenroom. Scary Lady kicked me out.

I thought that sofa was a bit too comfy anyways.

The Readers' greenroom looked like this:

I sat there by myself for fifteen minutes. The other eleven readers joined me, plus the hardworking BlogHer organizers. We were lined up in order on the chairs (I was second). Apparently Queen Latifah was stuck in traffic eating pizza so there was a delay. The energy backstage was a mix of nerves and serenity; women hugged one another, did yoga stretches, and silently practiced their speeches. I was given the clicky thing whereupon my worries about timing my slides dissipated.

Suddenly a gorgeous tall woman in a black and white dress breezed into the backstage area, followed by a couple of 'handlers' and a video cameraman. Everything about her screamed DEAL WITH IT. The star had arrived.

She smiled a zillion watts and said (sic), "How yall doin? My name is Laaaaaa....!"

And my brain went into full *holeefuuuuqQUEENLATIFAHisstandingrightinfrontofme* reverb. I couldn't speak. All I could think of was that I had to take a picture for my mom. I crept forward with my iPhone and turned around so QL was behind me.

My intention was to just get her in the background with my selfie in the foreground. But she saw me doing it.

And the rest is photobomb history.

This gif was SubWOW's idea. 

Best hangover cure ever! Armed with a couple of Queen Latifah's sparkles I climbed the stage (without tripping - high-five!) and delivered my story with previously untapped panache. I may have been channeling a mix of Eddie Izzard, Louis CK and Captain Underpants....

Hearing so many people laughing in all the right places was extremely gratifying and I'll never, ever forget it. Afterward, someone mentioned that one person actually couldn't handle the wormy bits and had to walk out. It made me realize how far I'd pushed the limits by winning a VOTY for this story. My pinworms and I trolled the entire audience and all but one made it through.

Doesn't that somehow make it more meaningful?

Thank-you BlogHer, thank-you to the selection committee, and thank-you to everyone who laughed in all the right places, at a story about a little boy with an itchy bum.


Tune in to The Queen Latifah Show.

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#BlogHer13 - TOONswag & The Drunkies...day 2/3

Meanwhile, back at the Sheraton's Chi Bar...

Oh BlogHers, I'm a cheap date. It doesn't take much to get me drunk and I'm a bit of a slut for Chardonnay, so when those who would be drawn plied me with chilled glasses of the stuff I didn't stand a chance. I got completely distracted and forgot my Number 1 Rule: never drink on an empty stomach.

But first, there was toonswag. I asked Angela Belford to pose and she agreed.

VP of Sales and Marketing for Theraderm skin care, Angela has natural beauty and poise. She radiates confidence.

Believe it or not, very few people come marching up to me to say "Please drawez moi". I imagine they must be shy but more likely it's because they don't know who I am or what I do. So quite often I have to ask if I may draw them. I'm pretty shy myself (unless Chardonnay) so I have to work at it. But I'm getting better; I now realize that I draw people to draw them to me.

FINALLY Lizz Porter showed up. She's kind of a big deal cuz not only is she the blogger behind Am I A Funny Girl, but HELLO she was owning the catwalk in the BlogHer fashion show this year. Lizz is unapologetic-ally way taller than me (I am short). So I drew her as a chibi, to even things up a bit.

So chic. AND FUNNY. I hope I did her justice. She only gave me fifteen minutes to whip it up on account of her being a celeblogger now.....*sigh*.

By now I'd had ONE glass of wine. Then Adam, my old room mate from 1988 showed up and whisked me away for drinksies with his lovely wife. Here's a drawing I did of him 25 years ago:

There was ANOTHER GLASS of rosé. And a ride in a porsche.



I managed to find my new best friend Lin, the blogger behind The Absence Of Alternatives in the EXPO Hall. She looks like this:

EXPO Halls are a maze of crazy: people work long hours in there, handing out swag, engaging in lively conversation and generally being "on". Bloggers scrape the booths for free stuff (much of which is, let's face it, food for the land fill). But some is useful! We gravitated to the sparkling wine (just ONE GLASS I SWEAR) and stumbled into the Kuyam booth where lo and behold, a fellow artist lurked!

Jackie Chang was both working the booth and drawing people. She's talented - blimey, just see her stuff at JaxCha.com.

Look, she depicted me with a champers flute; I guess I do look a little squiffed already. She was the only person that I toonswagged who actually drew me back. I wonder if was the same for her...?

Back at the Sheraton I forgot all about dinner, put on my party frock and elevatored down to the BlogHer Welcome Reception. Another glass of wine (does that make FOUR or FIVE?) and The Drunkies set in for realz. But I managed to do one more toonswag that night: Deborah Goldstein, who blogs at Peaches & Coconuts.

I'm still pretending she didn't know that my liver was saturated. Never drink and draw, people. Unless you are me. After that, Lin and I closed the bar. Gah.

Happy Hangover.

The next morning was bad. I shunned the light of day and tried to remain horizontal as long as possible. In the end it was hunger starvation that forced me to venture out in search of nourishment. That's the only reason I got to see Guy Kawasaki's keynote. Toonswag!

I hear animators moaning all the time about how they want to make their film but can't for whatever reason and I tell them the same thing. So Guy's words made sense to me.

But oh man, I felt like death. I was massively hungover, and I had to do my VOTY Award performance thing in just a couple of hours. Like with Queen Latifah. On a stage in front of five thousand bloggers. GULP. How do I even...?

But that's another blogpost...

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#BlogHer13 - Instagram & TOONswag Adventures...day 2

I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I had the whole day ahead of me to relax in Chicago before the official BlogHer conference kickoff.

Do you know Neil Kramer? He's the award-winning blogger behind Citizen of the Month.Neil is hugely popular on Instagram. He's known for his photographs people in sweeping city-scape tableaux, as they're hurriedly jaywalking, or texting while leaning against a building. Many are engaged in deep thought, mostly unaware they're being captured. The resulting images are evocative, like single moments plucked from the rush of life. He does it very well.

I thought it would be interesting to follow Neil around and Instagram him in the act of Instagramming. He agreed. All these pairs of shots were taken around the same moment, his and then mine.

Downtown Chicago gives good architecture.



We Bean-scaped.

 I like this pair because He caught my crazy face and I caught his.

We wandered into the Chicago Cultural Center and discovered The Happy Show by Stefan Sagmeister on the top floor. Thought-provoking messages and ponderings, the exhibits challenged you to really think about your own state of happiness. If you're in Chicago, go see it.

But don't get locked out of the fire exit like this guy did.


I laughed cuz he was still taking pictures through the glass.


I thought I was supposed to be following Neil around. I never imagined I'd end up being his subject. But on this one, I knew he was sneaking this shot...


...so I decided to trick him with the reverse cam.


Just look at all the likes Neil has on his Instagrams. He's tapping into something with his eye. Do not look at all the likes I do not have. Look instead at my drawings.

We meandered over to Millenium Park for lunch and I toonswagged that dude.

Neil has a very specific way of holding his iPhone; his fingers splay outwards as he zeroes in on whatever he's capturing. He's like a ninja.

Back at the hotel SOME PEOPLE bought me glasses of wine and I got the drunkies. I'll show you those drawings in my next post, so stay tooned...

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#BlogHer13 - TOONswag Adventures...day 1

I am Canadian (sorry). You guys know the last time I tried to go to the States I was turned away at the border for not having a work permit? That's right folks: you need a work permit to do public speaking in the USA, if you're getting paid. Who knew? I sure as hell didn't (it was my first paid gig) and most certainly neither did the company that hired me. Surprize.

Quite apart from all the speaker-prep work I wasn't going to get paid for, I'm very sensitive and easily intimidated by people in uniforms fingerprinting me, so to say I was traumatized is an understatement. I was crushed.

And therefore extremely apprehensive about getting to BlogHer. I was about to cancel and sell my ticket. And then I found out that I won the VOTY Award. But more about that later.

As it happens, I got on the plane to Chicago with no trouble whatsoever. As soon as the nice man with the American flag on his pocket gave me back my passport, the anxiety I'd been carrying since May melted away. I felt a great weight lift from my soul...

Closure is a wonderful thing, if you can get it.

This year I booked an extra day at the head of the BlogHer 2013 conference (I am smart). It was worth the extra hotel fees just to be relaxed and rested. Tracy Beckerman, syndicated humor columnist, author, friend and wielder of gold lamé thongs had invited some friends to dinner to celebrate the support she felt for her very funny book Lost In Suburbia. Gracious lady! Terrific way to kick off the conference with friends, most of whom I'd already met.

I wasted no time in toonswagging the very first person who whispered the secret password in my ear:

"I have blue-footed boobies!"

It was none other than Anne Parris, the blogger behind Not a Supermom and founding member of Generation Fabulous. She scooted into the booth across from me and I whipped out my iPad and began scribbling.

FYI Anne was on a panel at BlogHer discussing MidLife Bloggers. Did you know that women over 45 are reppin' the fastest growing slice of blogdom? I'm in there somewhere. I KNOW YOU'RE SURPRIZED, RIGHT?

Finished the toon just in time for my sushi. They had uni! Very few restaurants have it cuz it's got to be fresh.

What's uni? It's raw sea urchin and it's my favourite.

Back at the Sheraton's Chi Bar, I had to draw Nicole Morgan, blogger at Sisters From Another Mister. She and I have been innerwebbing for three years and finally met.

Man, she's gorgeous! Also she's got some great beauty tips which I'm hoping she'll vlog. Her voice and accent are silky. Hint...clunk.

Dear friends from conferences past hugged me tight. Then I hit the pillow. Hard.

Way more toonswag coming soon...maybe even tomorrow.

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