#BlogHer13 - Queen Latifah & my VOTY AWARD.

It's only just sinking in that I was selected as a VOTY winner, for my illustrated story "How To Check For Pinworms". In the educational Humor Category, no less.

You guys know what the Voice of the Year Award is, right? It's only like, the Oscars of the blogosphere. One hundred honorees are selected from 2600 submissions; of those, twelve are awarded the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to read their winning blogposts at the BlogHer Community Keynote. I was one of twelve.

If you blog, this is a Big Deal. It is peer recognition, community celebration, and the chance to wear that fancy dress on a stage all rolled into one. There is no prize money or gifts or even a break on the registration fee; it's just honor, plain and simple.

So there I was, massively hungover and knowing I had to get up on a stage and tell 5000+ fellow bloggers a funny story about bumholes and pinworms, (with drawings). And did I mention that Queen Latifah was emceeing the Awards? 

We were told to meet at 4:30 in "the greenroom" in the backstage area. Although I felt a bit like death, I somehow managed to arrive on time, but the place was deserted. I asked a non-judgmental hotel security guard for guidance.

She took me behind the stage, past a labyrinth of black gear boxes, cables taped to the floor, and a row of five dudes sitting at tables with laptops and fancy tech stuff with blinking lights. It was all very official back there. It would have been intimidating but I was busy concentrating on surviving my hangover, specifically keeping bodily fluids from leaving without permission.

The security guard put me in a curtained off room. It was nice in there; fresh cut flowers and comfy sofas. I gratefully sank into one, thinking, wow, they're really treating us well! I turned inward to try to focus...

I wasn't really nervous about performing my piece; I use it in one of my lectures about Visual Storytelling and I know how to work it. But the timing of the images has to be perfect or the story falls flat. No one had yet communicated to me if I was going to be able to control this myself with a clicky thing.

As I sat quietly fretting about this, a scary lady with a headset pulled back the curtain and barked, "Who are YOU?!?"

Turns out they'd accidentally put me in Queen Latifah's greenroom. Scary Lady kicked me out.

I thought that sofa was a bit too comfy anyways.

The Readers' greenroom looked like this:

I sat there by myself for fifteen minutes. The other eleven readers joined me, plus the hardworking BlogHer organizers. We were lined up in order on the chairs (I was second). Apparently Queen Latifah was stuck in traffic eating pizza so there was a delay. The energy backstage was a mix of nerves and serenity; women hugged one another, did yoga stretches, and silently practiced their speeches. I was given the clicky thing whereupon my worries about timing my slides dissipated.

Suddenly a gorgeous tall woman in a black and white dress breezed into the backstage area, followed by a couple of 'handlers' and a video cameraman. Everything about her screamed DEAL WITH IT. The star had arrived.

She smiled a zillion watts and said (sic), "How yall doin? My name is Laaaaaa....!"

And my brain went into full *holeefuuuuqQUEENLATIFAHisstandingrightinfrontofme* reverb. I couldn't speak. All I could think of was that I had to take a picture for my mom. I crept forward with my iPhone and turned around so QL was behind me.

My intention was to just get her in the background with my selfie in the foreground. But she saw me doing it.

And the rest is photobomb history.

This gif was SubWOW's idea. 

Best hangover cure ever! Armed with a couple of Queen Latifah's sparkles I climbed the stage (without tripping - high-five!) and delivered my story with previously untapped panache. I may have been channeling a mix of Eddie Izzard, Louis CK and Captain Underpants....

Hearing so many people laughing in all the right places was extremely gratifying and I'll never, ever forget it. Afterward, someone mentioned that one person actually couldn't handle the wormy bits and had to walk out. It made me realize how far I'd pushed the limits by winning a VOTY for this story. My pinworms and I trolled the entire audience and all but one made it through.

Doesn't that somehow make it more meaningful?

Thank-you BlogHer, thank-you to the selection committee, and thank-you to everyone who laughed in all the right places, at a story about a little boy with an itchy bum.


Tune in to The Queen Latifah Show.

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#BlogHer13 - TOONswag & The Drunkies...day 2/3

Meanwhile, back at the Sheraton's Chi Bar...

Oh BlogHers, I'm a cheap date. It doesn't take much to get me drunk and I'm a bit of a slut for Chardonnay, so when those who would be drawn plied me with chilled glasses of the stuff I didn't stand a chance. I got completely distracted and forgot my Number 1 Rule: never drink on an empty stomach.

But first, there was toonswag. I asked Angela Belford to pose and she agreed.

VP of Sales and Marketing for Theraderm skin care, Angela has natural beauty and poise. She radiates confidence.

Believe it or not, very few people come marching up to me to say "Please drawez moi". I imagine they must be shy but more likely it's because they don't know who I am or what I do. So quite often I have to ask if I may draw them. I'm pretty shy myself (unless Chardonnay) so I have to work at it. But I'm getting better; I now realize that I draw people to draw them to me.

FINALLY Lizz Porter showed up. She's kind of a big deal cuz not only is she the blogger behind Am I A Funny Girl, but HELLO she was owning the catwalk in the BlogHer fashion show this year. Lizz is unapologetic-ally way taller than me (I am short). So I drew her as a chibi, to even things up a bit.

So chic. AND FUNNY. I hope I did her justice. She only gave me fifteen minutes to whip it up on account of her being a celeblogger now.....*sigh*.

By now I'd had ONE glass of wine. Then Adam, my old room mate from 1988 showed up and whisked me away for drinksies with his lovely wife. Here's a drawing I did of him 25 years ago:

There was ANOTHER GLASS of rosé. And a ride in a porsche.



I managed to find my new best friend Lin, the blogger behind The Absence Of Alternatives in the EXPO Hall. She looks like this:

EXPO Halls are a maze of crazy: people work long hours in there, handing out swag, engaging in lively conversation and generally being "on". Bloggers scrape the booths for free stuff (much of which is, let's face it, food for the land fill). But some is useful! We gravitated to the sparkling wine (just ONE GLASS I SWEAR) and stumbled into the Kuyam booth where lo and behold, a fellow artist lurked!

Jackie Chang was both working the booth and drawing people. She's talented - blimey, just see her stuff at JaxCha.com.

Look, she depicted me with a champers flute; I guess I do look a little squiffed already. She was the only person that I toonswagged who actually drew me back. I wonder if was the same for her...?

Back at the Sheraton I forgot all about dinner, put on my party frock and elevatored down to the BlogHer Welcome Reception. Another glass of wine (does that make FOUR or FIVE?) and The Drunkies set in for realz. But I managed to do one more toonswag that night: Deborah Goldstein, who blogs at Peaches & Coconuts.

I'm still pretending she didn't know that my liver was saturated. Never drink and draw, people. Unless you are me. After that, Lin and I closed the bar. Gah.

Happy Hangover.

The next morning was bad. I shunned the light of day and tried to remain horizontal as long as possible. In the end it was hunger starvation that forced me to venture out in search of nourishment. That's the only reason I got to see Guy Kawasaki's keynote. Toonswag!

I hear animators moaning all the time about how they want to make their film but can't for whatever reason and I tell them the same thing. So Guy's words made sense to me.

But oh man, I felt like death. I was massively hungover, and I had to do my VOTY Award performance thing in just a couple of hours. Like with Queen Latifah. On a stage in front of five thousand bloggers. GULP. How do I even...?

But that's another blogpost...

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The Easter PICKLE Weasel.

Pickle Weasel loves chocolate...

 ...maybe a little too much.

Happy Easter everyone!

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HalloWINE.

This pumpkin has my name on it.

You know what? Every year at Halloween, I like to drink a little blood.

Preferably the shiraz variety.

Shiraz (also known is syrah) is beautifully dark and rich. And, er....quite possibly also packed with vitamins and uh, anti-oxidants.

It's a nice full-bodied BLOOD.

It gives you a nice full-bodied HANGOVER. Please note that my hair somehow still looks fantastic.

So I was discussing this with a lovely tweep named @downandderby, and she mentioned something about how you can get terrific blood WINE in boxes nowadays.

And she gave me a GREAT idea for a Halloween costume for my 10 year old boy. 

The challenge is to empty enough wine boxes between now and Halloween.

We're talking 36 bottles in 11 days. It's SHIRAZ people. Who wants to jump on board and help me out?

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