August 27, 2012



That blood curdling scream was mine.

To celebrate the last gasp of summer me and my friend Robin like to take our 12 year old boys to Laronde, our local thrill ride park. I love roller coasters and it feels kinda good to have my vertebrae re-aligned. This year we dragged our somewhat reluctant husbands along for the day.

The Huz had never been on modern thrill rides (he's from the olde country, or at least that's what he claims). I told him not to be afraid, but definitely to scream. The reason that you hafta scream on the roller coaster is mostly to keep your lunch down. It tightens up the abdominals and locks the contents in place.

And scream we did! After five rides I felt like Steven Tyler with strep throat; I was all screamed out. The next ride we lined up for was The Vampire - aptly named since it will suck the life right out of you. My voice was gone...but the ride is only like 40 seconds long. How bad could it be? I decided to try not screaming.

It turned out to be the longest 40 seconds of my life. When it finally finished...

...I could not keep it together; I could barely walk and I'm pretty sure my brain was no longer attached to the inside of my skull.

I spent the rest of the day making up fake ride names to console myself:
  1. The Stupefier
  2. The ZOMBIE (<<< The Huz made this one up)
  3. The Lobotomizer
  4. The Face Flattener
  5. The Grey AntiMatter-er
  6. The Slack-Jaw DROP
  7. The Permanent Wave
  8. The Seat Soaker
  9. The Take Me Away Calgoner
  10. The Oh-Em-GEE Force
  11. The Mop
  12. The Ferris Bueller Wheel
  13. The Stretcher
  14. The Ride That Shall Not Be Named
  15. The Dematerializer
  16. The Particle Accelerator
  17. The Defibrillator
    and my personal fave, submitted by The Huz,
  18. The Munch.

Don't forget to scream! And please do add to the list.


  1. This is now my favorite chiropracty story ever.

  2. Totally hilarious. My favourite is 'The Lobotomiser', closely followed by 'The Grey Anti-Matter-er'.

  3. A few years ago, while at Disney World, my son (then 5) wanted to go on Tower of Terror. I went on with him, despite having a fear of falling because I couldn't let my 5 year old show me up. The only reason my legs consented to move after the ride was because my brain told them we were going on it again if they didn't move.

    Back in April/May, we went back to Disney for the Social Media Moms Celebration and I decided to face my fears. I rode Tower of Terror, Aerosmith's Rock n' Rollercoaster, Space Mountain, and Expedition Everest. They weren't so bad... well except for Space Mountain. Never eat a giant meal in an all you can eat buffet and then ride a twisting, turning, in-the-dark rollercoaster!

    1. In the dark? My eyes are shut anyways. Does it take you upsidedown?

    2. Space Mountain doesn't, but Rock n' Rollercoaster does. You go up to a "tunnel" and then go from 0 to 60 in about 0.1 seconds, in the dark, with Aerosmith music blaring, while your car does spirals, and the blood rushes to your head.

      Of course, with my fear of falling, the worst is still Tower of Terror. You go up to the 13th floor and get dropped - complete free fall - down a random amount of floors and then shoot back up a random amount of floors and then repeat a random number of times. So you never know just how high you'll go up or how low you'll drop down. And the only thing keeping you in place is a small seatbelt.

  4. I'm going to have nightmares now... & I'll never get on another ride as long as I live

  5. Why are you such a genius - do you have an extra brain lobe?

    1. Excuse me but you're pretty darn geniussy yourbadself there, with that totally boss book cover - check it peeps! Into the Child

  6. Lol! At our house, it's the DH who is non-roller-coasterie. He screams like a girl, pants like he's in labor and says, over and over and over, "I'm never doing that again". As we run for the end of the next line...

    Our fave with him was Apollo's Chariot, but Daddy calls it Apollo's Curse :) Love that we're not the only family re-naming rides!

  7. Hilarious. I should just start my day with a little JC instead of ending my day with it.

  8. My friends and I didn't so much "rename" the Son Of Beast as we just used its initials. It was THE roughest coaster I've ever ridden, and it never once (in three tries) failed to give me a splitting headache. We said, in our best hillbilly accents "We got ta go have a talk with the Beast 'bout that Boy o'his. He needs ta take 'im out to the woodshed and teach 'im some manners!"


Cuz You Rocketh.