Stop PUPPY Biting NOW.

WARNING: Sharp language.

Puppies have milk teeth, did you know that? Indeed they do: tiny teeth that fall out when their adult teeth come in, around 5 months of age. And they use them for everything - eating, playing, communicating. I knew that! But somehow (in my floof-induced stupor) I'd forgotten just how bad it can get. Those motherfuckers are sharp. I'm talking hypodermic-needle-fangs. I'm talking dragon-slicers, piranha-biters, shark-slashers and alligator-gnashers. Basically I'm totally perforated.

I'm trying to look on the bright side here.

And if you think this is bad, you should see The Huz; he foolishly waved his schnoz back and forth in a tantalizing manner in front of the puppy and basically he can now wear that nose-ring he never wanted.

Yeah, yeah, I can hear some of you saying, "it's your own damn fault, spoiling that puppy." Blame the victim, right? Or, "you need to grab his maw with long-handled tongs and tell him NONONONONOBADPUPPY." Because puppies understand tongs and shouting.

"Just whimper like a puppy when he bites you! It will teach him that biting hurts!" Um, yeah, it worked at first, but since Inkling snagged The Huz on the hooter, the subsequent howling and bloodletting tipped the beast over the edge. Mad dog!

Things have improved somewhat since I discovered my little newf doggie will do anything for tiny bits of cooked chicken, also known as ...puppycrack. He's basically a total slut for the stuff! I carry some around in a little pouch on my belt and give him a morsel every time he doesn't snack on my ankles and fingers. He certainly has me well trained.

It's a good thing he's cute; his survival depends on it.


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My NEW invention - Tooth POPS!

I always have my best ideas in the bath…it’s not very relaxing, but I’m getting used to it.

So anyways, there I am, soaking away, when my gaze falls upon the toothpaste tube on the shelf. It's all twisted up, squeezed out, with dried toothpaste all over it and the lid is even on crooked. Gross!

Also, I’m thinking, that poor tube of toothpaste will just end up in the landfill with all the other empty twisted crusty old used tubes of toothpaste. No one recycles them. What a waste!

And then it struck me – why not invent toothpaste that doesn’t come in tubes? Toothpaste is basically a mixture of goop set to foam up in your mouth, that helps clean your teeth and mouth interior, right? Who says it has to be a paste? So here I am inventing …TOOTH POPS!

A Tooth POP will be star-shaped (cuz it’s awesome) and hard, like a small candy. It’s packed with toothpaste like ingredients AND ...the fizzy stuff they put in Pop Rocks.

You simply place the Tooth POP into your toothbrush...

...and add a splash of water.

Whereupon it begins to fizz and foam!

Then you brush like normal. Tell me kids won't love this, amiright?  I bet the Tooth Fairy herself would approve. The truly cool part is that you don’t have to package these in tubes. They can be sold in little boxes or airtight baggies like candy.

Ta-daaa! I can finally relax knowing I have made the world a better place with my latest invention.

I am smart. You’re welcome.

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Chipmunk CHEEKS.

The sixteen year old daughter has had her wisdom teeth extracted. She was actually born with a very small mouth...and very big teeth. All in all, this kid has had EIGHT adult teeth removed just to make room. That's a quarter of her teeth!! The mind boggles.

She's been very brave. Normally she looks like a manga character; huge eyes, small mouth (like I said), heart shaped face. But today, she looks like a ChipMUNK. I drew this to make her smile, cuz I'm her mom.

Will the kind and generous ToothFAIRY leave her some money? Yes.

Will it be enough to pay for all these extractions and braces and retainers?  Uh....no.

Oh WACOM....can you hear me?

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ToothFAIRY Tells ALL!

This post is child friendly.

The ToothFAIRY (AKA @toothfairycyber on Twitter) agreed to let me interview her. There's no photos, because she must preserve her magical anonymity. However, she did allow me draw her, so yay!

JC: Hey ToothFAIRY! Thanks for coming today. Do you like the chairs I "arranged" for you? I wanted you to feel comfortable. There are NO holes in these chairs, I guarantee it.

Let's start with a skill testing question: How old were you when you were born?

ToothFAIRY: I don't exactly remember.  Is this a trick question? 

JC:  Um....maybe?

ToothFAIRY: It's not nice to fool or trick the ToothFAIRY!  I would have to say ZERO?  Is that right or left, up or down or just plain wrong?? 

JC: Whoa Fairy! I'm supposed ask the questions in the interview.

ToothFAIRY: I've noticed I'm not as wise since I had my wisdom teeth extracted!

JC: Yeah? So even the Tooth Fairy visits the dentist! Cool.

ToothFAIRY: Of course! It's important to brush and floss and visit the Dentist regularly.  

JC:  Brush. Floss. Regular Dentist Visits. Gotcha. What's your main mission in life?

ToothFAIRY: My mission in life is for everyone to really believe in me!  Keeping imagination and fairy tales alive while creating sweet memories.  

JC:  I LOVE THAT! I mean, I know it's you that's been taking the teeth and leaving coins and stuff all this time, so why don't you tell me a bit about why you do that?

ToothFAIRY: The first lost tooth is a major milestone, it deserves to be celebrated don't you think?  And once you give a reward for the first one, it's too hard to forget about all the rest!

JC: What happens if someone wakes up just as you're taking their teeth?

ToothFAIRY: A sprinkle of my special * Tooth fairy-dust* usually puts them back to sleep!

And I have to act quickly because my ~magic~ disappears if  I am "seen".

JC: That explains why no one has ever seen you, I get it. Do you take grownup teeth as well as baby teeth?

ToothFAIRY: No, I don't want grownups to think it's ok to lose them nor exchange their permanent teeth for ca$h! Lotsa poor folks might be running around with toothless grins if that were the case.

JC:  Good point. How many teeth have you collected?

ToothFAIRY: I'm sure it is near a googleplex which is as high a number as I can count unless someone decides to COIN a phrase for a yet a larger number!

JC: That's a lotta teeth! So if you had the choice between a healthy clean tooth or a yucky rotten tooth, which would you choose?

ToothFAIRY: Silly question, a healthy clean tooth with no cavities would definitely be my first choice. But I understand not everyone has perfect teeth, so I am FAIR -y.

JC: So would you take both? 

ToothFAIRY: Yes I do accept and take both.  No teeth are rejected. I even accept  I.O.U. notes since sometimes loose teeth really do get LOST... never to be found.  Swallowed milktooth is not uncommon! Or maybe the parents send them off to preserve for stem cells.

JC: Hey! That happened to my eldest daughter - her first tooth fell out and we never found it. So we wrote a note for you, do you remember? OK, let's say you take both, which one would you leave more money for?

ToothFAIRY: The tooth without decay or fillings might earn a sweeter reward! 

JC: Hear that kids? Healthy teeth are valuable! 

And do you ever leave any other gifts in exchange for teeth?

ToothFAIRY: Yes, sometimes I leave a wee gift.  But when children find $20 or more then they can be sure that did not come from me!

JC: This question is from my kids - "Why is it that sometimes you don't come around on the first time my tooth has been placed under my pillow?"
 

ToothFAIRY: It's not that I have forgotten, it's usually  due to stormy weather which delays my night flights!  Tornados and twisters make me fairy dizzy.  I also depend on my GPS now for more specific directions and flight plans but occasionally there is a "glitch"!  Believe me, _ _ IT happens!

I'm feeling fairy tired now after all these questions.  May I please be excused?

JC: Wait! Don't go yet!! One more question! Where did you get your...

ToothFAIRY: Good-bye, gotta ~FLY~

JC: ...wings? Hello...? Hmmmm. I think she just gave me the "brush off".

Got any good ToothFAIRY stories?

Find out more about the ToothFAIRY.

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