February 2, 2016

Stop PUPPY Biting NOW.

WARNING: Sharp language.

Puppies have milk teeth, did you know that? Indeed they do: tiny teeth that fall out when their adult teeth come in, around 5 months of age. And they use them for everything - eating, playing, communicating. I knew that! But somehow (in my floof-induced stupor) I'd forgotten just how bad it can get. Those motherfuckers are sharp. I'm talking hypodermic-needle-fangs. I'm talking dragon-slicers, piranha-biters, shark-slashers and alligator-gnashers. Basically I'm totally perforated.

I'm trying to look on the bright side here.
And if you think this is bad, you should see The Huz; he foolishly waved his schnoz back and forth in a tantalizing manner in front of the puppy and basically he can now wear that nose-ring he never wanted.

Yeah, yeah, I can hear some of you saying, "it's your own damn fault, spoiling that puppy." Blame the victim, right? Or, "you need to grab his maw with long-handled tongs and tell him NONONONONOBADPUPPY." Because puppies understand tongs and shouting.

"Just whimper like a puppy when he bites you! It will teach him that biting hurts!" Um, yeah, it worked at first, but since Inkling snagged The Huz on the hooter, the subsequent howling and bloodletting tipped the beast over the edge. Mad dog!

Things have improved somewhat since I discovered my little newf doggie will do anything for tiny bits of cooked chicken, also known as ...puppycrack. He's basically a total slut for the stuff! I carry some around in a little pouch on my belt and give him a morsel every time he doesn't snack on my ankles and fingers. He certainly has me well trained.

It's a good thing he's cute; his survival depends on it.

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