October 27, 2011

The KLOUT Fall.

The big news today is that Klout changed its algorithm* to be more accurate. Yay for accuracy! I, along with many others, found our Klout scores hurtling towards certain ignominy, without a parachute. Turns out we weren't as influential as we thought we were.

Does this matter? I don't know! I have yet to figure Klout out. Here are 5 things a high Klout score probably cannot do for you:
  1. Rub ointment on your chilblains.
  2. Comfort you when you cry at movies.
  3. Get you a roll of toilet paper when you really, really need it.
  4. Draw a funny picture of you.
  5. Tell you when Mr. Crusty is hanging out of your nose.
  6. Feed you bacon. Wait, that's six. Okay six things then.
But perhaps Klout can actually feed you. So I want to know - have you or anyone you know ever put food on the table, i.e. landed a job or a sponsor, based on what their Klout score is? If so, I'll give you some +K and a big high five.

Drawing stuff about Klout is fun. I like it because Klout taps into a basic human condition: the need to be validated. If you're upset about your plummeting score, it might be useful to remember that Klout is not a social service, it's a business. You are valuable and awesome with -K and a big high five!

*An algorithm is a really amazing and fabulous thing that can predict stuff, like what size underwear your future mother-in-law will wear. Probably.