January 17, 2011

LADY of the House.

WARNING: This one's for grownups.

She's funny, she's smart, she's constantly shouting " The Emperor has no clothes!" And you gotta admire her merciless sparring with @WhyisDaddyCryin in a friendly duel of "I Fantasize". She's the Lady of the House @ieatmykidzsnack on Twitter, blogging just as fast as she can on Checking the Electrical Box, and it's her BIRTHDAY.

This started off as an interview and sorta morphed into me and her getting all drunk and stuff.

JC: Okey dokes. We don't know your real name, so let's call you LADY.  And since you're incognito I guess I'll hafta draw you. Here's some cartoon girlies - tell me which one you look most like. You can mix and match btw. After that we can start drinking.

LADY: Like Chaka Khan, I can certainly find a little bit of myself in every woman, including Caillou, because he's a little girl ;) However, since I'm not attached to a polygraph I'm gonna go with Jessica Rabbit's body, Betty Boop's flirtiness, Marge's heart, and Palin's ummmmmmmmmmmm vagina because she HAS to fuck like a champ to have gotten where she is today.

JC: Hah! Ok. I'll draw a picture of you. Just as soon as I retrieve my jaw from the floor. And return to my normal colouring....

JC: Oh wow, I just drew your hair and guess what - you're wearing a bumpit.

LADY: NOOOOOOO! A bumpit????? Please JC don't make me look like a reality famewhore. I'd rather have you draw me with the "Bieber."

LADY: I do have Marge's love for her family. But I said Marge's heart, not her hair!!!


LADY: Bitch stole my wig!

LADY: Wait do I have DORA HAIR????????????????? Please don't give me Dora hair.

JC: Okaaaaay. You are NO fun.

LADY: I AM FUN! I AM FUN! (stomps feet. Shakes fist. Passes out.)

LADY: That's bettah. Now draw my juicy fruit bootay ;)

JC: Ok voilà. Your boobs now enter the room a half-hour before the rest of you.

LADY: Hey that looks just like me!

JC: Here, I ordered us some sake.

LADY: Thanks. You know it's my favorite. Although do you think you can handle me after a few bottles of sake? I used to be a serious party girl and sake is the only alcohol that can still bring her out.

JC: Are you gonna to fall off the chair if you drink too much? Cuz that would be cool.

LADY: Fall off a chair? Lover, I am a LADY. I'm more likely to re-enact that scene from 'Flashdance.' BTW I love that you were a video vixen ;) One year I was a seat filler at the MTV Video Awards and ended up being part of Wu-Tang Clan the entire night. Busta Rhymes put me in a head lock. I was really high. It was one of the strangest nights of my life.

JC: I used to be a wild party girl too. One time I was partying with Motley Crüe, and I woke up the next morning in another city. True story. Um....what's a "video vixen"? I never saw Flashdance and I had to ask my husband who the heck Wu-Tang Clan is. My ignorance continues to fascinate me.

LADY: WHAT IN THE HOLY SHIT??? How did you never see Flashdance? Jennifer Beals? Ripped sweatshirt?

JC: Meh. I live in a bubble. The idea of someone putting you in a headlock is cool though, especially if he's got a name like Busta Rhymes. I'm guessing MTV is big on sake! Hahaha, no one is going to understand what we're talking about.

LADY: Even I don't understand what we're talking about. Did our interview start? This is why I can't drink.

JC: Me too. I should never drink and draw.

JC: Do you believe in ZOMBIES?

LADY: I do not believe in zombies. I prefer vampires because at least they fuck you to death.

JC: Hahahaha! Classic. Vampires fuck and suck.
I was just worried that, there was a ZOMBIE nearby, cuz of that scratching ...and whining.

JC: Now where were we? OK, who was your first "date"?

LADY: I was never a dater. I was either happily single or somehow fell into a relationship. As "ballsy" as I am on twitter I'm actually a very traditional girl.

JC: Well, I admire your twitter "persona". I love how you expose the gritty truth of current events with intelligent, barbed humour.

LADY: Thank you for saying such nice things about me. :) I'm blushing. I find it funny you say my twitter "persona" because I'm kind of the same in life. I love to laugh and have surrounded myself with some of the funniest friends. However, I only really flirt with my hottie husband. I guess I've always been a bit of a snarker. Since becoming a full time mom, twitter & my blog are my connection to that side of myself. So not sure that answered your question. I just do what I do. Can you tell my mom you think I'm funny and smart?

JC: Happy Birthday Lady.

LADY: Thanks lover!

OK guys; what do you want for your birthday?

PS. I was  never a video vixen. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.