Mother's Day Flip-Cards Are The Bestest Cards.

A couple of months ago I hopped on Teachers Pay Teachers and set up shop, making clipart (clip art? One word, two words??) for teachers.

Like any new business venture, it takes time to build both a catalog of art for sale and a customer base. I'm drawing furiously! There are obviously some great artists out there already well established in the market so how do I find my niche?

And so, for Mothers Day, I give you ...FLIP-CARDS!

Yessss! Mother's Day Flip-able greeting cards - I am so smart.

Once assembled, these babies animate when you flip them up and down. I used drawings from my book, Motherhood, which is on Amazon, but I think I'll soon be posting a download in my shop as well.

I'm still figuring out all the do's and don'ts around selling clip-art and printables on TPT. The learning curve is kinda steep, even for an established stick-figure-drawer like myself. But I'm thinking more animation-based products is where I'm headed.

Each card is $1, or you can get the set of 4 for $3. Don't wait for shipping or delivery, just download, print and BAM, you're making something awesome for the mom in your life. That's my sales pitch; I hate marketing my stuff so I'll shut up now.

Love you!

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Half-Italian.

I'm half Italian. The top half. Which makes buying a bikini all kinds of challenging; I always say that together, J-Lo and I make the ideal woman.

Back to the bit about me being half Italian. It is entirely my mother's fault. Both her parents are Italian, and their parents are also Italian. All this is why I find myself here in Italy with twelve other family members, namely my mom, my two brothers, and all our respective partners and offspring. It's a family heritage trip to the part of Italy from whence came my mother's maternal grandparents, my Bisnonno and Bisnonna.

I never met my Bisnonna as she died when my mom was a child. But I remember my Bisnonno fairly well; positively ancient and smelling faintly of parmesan he would ask if I thought he'd get into heaven when he died. Being a non-religious and slightly awkward ten year old with zero knowledge of Italian, I figured the best thing to do was to just keep nodding. I'm pretty sure he made it, because he was basically a good guy (though my Grandma did tell me that he slapped her in the face once for talking to a boy when she was a teenager - times have changed, yo) and from what I understand that's where good guys go who are Roman Catholic or whatever. Heaven. In case you got lost.

ANYWAYS. I just thought you guys might be wondering where I've been for the past three weeks. My great-grandparents were from near this part of Italy that I'm surrounded by. At the moment, I'm on a recliner beside a pool laid out in a beautifully landscaped villa property nestled in the Apennines, farmland and hills of Le Marche countryside, probably owned by British people. I say probably because one is never sure about who actually owns a vacation property. Is it the person you negotiated the rental with, or is it the person who's family photos are staring back at you from every horizontal and vertical surface in the main floor common rooms? I hate that! Seriously, one time we stayed in a vacation rental house in New Brunswick and the "in-laws" official silver anniversary photos were hung on the wall above the bed in the master bedroom. Not exactly conducive to sexy-time, if you know what I mean.

My mom went around the villa, collected all the family photos and put them in a cupboard. Sorry property owner family members! (Not really. We've paid enough money to enjoy this vacation in your crib without having you watch us).

When I say "enjoy" I really mean take turns having meltdowns. Here is a graph:

Are you still with me? Try and keep up because there might be a quiz later.

When you put thirteen (I know, I know) people together in a house in paradise, and the people are my family, you're tempting the most disastrous kind of fate. And fate did not shy away, unfortunately, it was most inconveniently forthcoming. Grown men transformed into macho babies, the food and wine that was meant to be an expression of love was turned into a weapon. Egos exploded left and right, bitter accusations borne of baggage long-dragged flew, tears were shed quietly behind closed doors and hearts... were fractured. I thanked the Universe or whatever that I had quit drinking a few months earlier, because I might have otherwise been sucked into the abyss.

And yet...there were gems. The birds, the hills, the people in Le Marche, the coffee, the shoes and handbags, tiny lizards running through the grass, humble corners of cobbled village streets, and the softest sunlight filtering down on everything. It was a sheer joy to watch the kids fling themselves into the food, the family and the pool in spite of the dramaz. My three year old nieceling was cousining for the first time in her young life, surrounded by five mostly teenagers.

But the best? Was hearing my mom speak Italian; the shining faces of the local people looking up to her and seeing one of their own. Ever the lady, unbroken and lovely, here in Italy. A worthy Matriarch.

Also I have a tan. A half-Italian one.

Follow #jcinitaly on my Instagram for more humble pics of Italy. Coming home in a few days. After that...California.

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Reflections of a 13 year old BOY.

This is the thirteen year old boy.  Do you remember when he was ten? I invite you to witness the fleeting balance of childhood and puberty.

The boy hasn't hit the tunnel of darkness yet. By that I mean he's still pretty delightful and affectionate. I like to watch him, I can tell he's studying the changes in his body, looking for signs of manhood.

Spiderman needn't worry...somehow I don't think he'll get left behind. What do your teens do in front of the mirror?

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My Mom.

I don't always draw stick figures...sometimes I like to sketch. This is a drawing of my mom.

We went on a little trip together, just mom and me, in Philadelphia. I looked after her a bit, and even though I'm now fifty, she cuddled me and said I was still her baby...

My mom is the one who encouraged me to draw when I was little. The story goes that when I was two, she tried to draw on my drawing; apparently I grabbed the crayon out of her hand and pushed her away.

It's been three months since my Grandmother died. We mustn't hesitate to spend time with those we love.

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Motherhood = Nerves of Steel.

Mother's Day comes once a year and it's a day for mom to take some time for her self.

Of course, it could end up being just like every other day. Children are so demanding!

As a mom, I think it's important to consider their demands and make the right decisions.

This is where the "nerves of steel" come in handy.

Kids can say terrible, hurtful things. And in the heat of the moment, they really mean it too.

I never take these insults personally. Instead, I choose to focus on important issues, like respect and honesty.

As long as the lines of communication remain open between myself and my kids, and my reflexes remain sharp...


...I think things will probably turn out alright.

A little patience goes a long way, so we try to give them time and space to reflect on their actions.

And while it may often seem that being a mom is a thankless task...

...it actually isn't.

There's just enough pure joy to be thankful for. Remember folks: every day is Mother's Day.

Confession time! What's the worst insult ever hurled at you by your offspring? Or that you ever hurled at your mom?

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Parenting TEENAGERS.

Parenting teenagers is hard. But I was lucky; just before our eldest hit puberty, my friend Shelagh gave me some advice. "They can be horrible," she said, "but don't take any of it personally". This has helped me weather what I thought were some pretty difficult times with our first daughter.

However our second daughter didn't just hit puberty - she beat the living crap out of it, knocked it unconscious, and dragged it into her teen-cave. She owned it. Last week was especially, er... eventful, and The Huz and I were close to cracking. Another friend, Sarah, recommended this book: "Get Out Of My Life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?", by Anthony E. Wolf, Ph. D.

 I began to read...

Somewhere in the deep, dark, and dangerous recesses of her teen-cave, the 15 year old girl knows that we love and care for her enough to cry ourselves to sleep. And even buy a book.

And to her baby self, this is AWESOME.

I think that we're gonna make it. It's not easy; we must let our teens go and simultaneously set boundaries for them. However unpleasant, it is probably normal for them to behave badly, call us names and refuse to listen. We stay strong and do our best to follow Shelagh's advice. For as much as our teens complain about the boundaries, they do kind of appreciate them. Even if it only indicates that we love and care.

Oh and the book is great.

Parenting teens nightmares? Please share!

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The LAST Snowman.

Last week it snowed. It was prolly one of the last snows of the winter, and it was lovely sticky snow, really perfect for making a snowman. I was in the kitchen making dinner and I watched the 14 year old girl through the window. This scene unfolded before me...

When she noticed that I was watching, she waved shyly. I thought, "that's so sweet; she's fourteen but she's still a child..." When I showed her this drawing, she denied being embarrassed, but a mother knows these things.

* * * * *

DISC SCRATCH!

There is more to this story but I've removed it from the blog and here's why:

The LAST Snowman has been expanded (more drawings) and released as an ebook! Find out more about it here or just go straight to Amazon. Because stories! And hot chocolate!

Thanks for reading and stay tooned.

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LADY of the House.

WARNING: This one's for grownups.

She's funny, she's smart, she's constantly shouting " The Emperor has no clothes!" And you gotta admire her merciless sparring with @WhyisDaddyCryin in a friendly duel of "I Fantasize". She's the Lady of the House @ieatmykidzsnack on Twitter, blogging just as fast as she can on Checking the Electrical Box, and it's her BIRTHDAY.

This started off as an interview and sorta morphed into me and her getting all drunk and stuff.

JC: Okey dokes. We don't know your real name, so let's call you LADY.  And since you're incognito I guess I'll hafta draw you. Here's some cartoon girlies - tell me which one you look most like. You can mix and match btw. After that we can start drinking.

LADY: Like Chaka Khan, I can certainly find a little bit of myself in every woman, including Caillou, because he's a little girl ;) However, since I'm not attached to a polygraph I'm gonna go with Jessica Rabbit's body, Betty Boop's flirtiness, Marge's heart, and Palin's ummmmmmmmmmmm vagina because she HAS to fuck like a champ to have gotten where she is today.

JC: Hah! Ok. I'll draw a picture of you. Just as soon as I retrieve my jaw from the floor. And return to my normal colouring....

JC: Oh wow, I just drew your hair and guess what - you're wearing a bumpit.

LADY: NOOOOOOO! A bumpit????? Please JC don't make me look like a reality famewhore. I'd rather have you draw me with the "Bieber."

LADY: HEY!!

LADY: I do have Marge's love for her family. But I said Marge's heart, not her hair!!!

LADY: NO.

LADY: Bitch stole my wig!

LADY: Wait do I have DORA HAIR????????????????? Please don't give me Dora hair.

JC: Okaaaaay. You are NO fun.

LADY: I AM FUN! I AM FUN! (stomps feet. Shakes fist. Passes out.)

LADY: That's bettah. Now draw my juicy fruit bootay ;)

JC: Ok voilà. Your boobs now enter the room a half-hour before the rest of you.

LADY: Hey that looks just like me!

JC: Here, I ordered us some sake.

LADY: Thanks. You know it's my favorite. Although do you think you can handle me after a few bottles of sake? I used to be a serious party girl and sake is the only alcohol that can still bring her out.

JC: Are you gonna to fall off the chair if you drink too much? Cuz that would be cool.

LADY: Fall off a chair? Lover, I am a LADY. I'm more likely to re-enact that scene from 'Flashdance.' BTW I love that you were a video vixen ;) One year I was a seat filler at the MTV Video Awards and ended up being part of Wu-Tang Clan the entire night. Busta Rhymes put me in a head lock. I was really high. It was one of the strangest nights of my life.

JC: I used to be a wild party girl too. One time I was partying with Motley Crüe, and I woke up the next morning in another city. True story. Um....what's a "video vixen"? I never saw Flashdance and I had to ask my husband who the heck Wu-Tang Clan is. My ignorance continues to fascinate me.

LADY: WHAT IN THE HOLY SHIT??? How did you never see Flashdance? Jennifer Beals? Ripped sweatshirt?

JC: Meh. I live in a bubble. The idea of someone putting you in a headlock is cool though, especially if he's got a name like Busta Rhymes. I'm guessing MTV is big on sake! Hahaha, no one is going to understand what we're talking about.

LADY: Even I don't understand what we're talking about. Did our interview start? This is why I can't drink.

JC: Me too. I should never drink and draw.

JC: Do you believe in ZOMBIES?

LADY: I do not believe in zombies. I prefer vampires because at least they fuck you to death.

JC: Hahahaha! Classic. Vampires fuck and suck.
I was just worried that, there was a ZOMBIE nearby, cuz of that scratching ...and whining.

JC: Now where were we? OK, who was your first "date"?

LADY: I was never a dater. I was either happily single or somehow fell into a relationship. As "ballsy" as I am on twitter I'm actually a very traditional girl.

JC: Well, I admire your twitter "persona". I love how you expose the gritty truth of current events with intelligent, barbed humour.

LADY: Thank you for saying such nice things about me. :) I'm blushing. I find it funny you say my twitter "persona" because I'm kind of the same in life. I love to laugh and have surrounded myself with some of the funniest friends. However, I only really flirt with my hottie husband. I guess I've always been a bit of a snarker. Since becoming a full time mom, twitter & my blog are my connection to that side of myself. So not sure that answered your question. I just do what I do. Can you tell my mom you think I'm funny and smart?

JC: Happy Birthday Lady.

LADY: Thanks lover!

OK guys; what do you want for your birthday?

PS. I was  never a video vixen. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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