March 23, 2013

The Animated Mammogram.

WARNING: Squished boobies.

In animation, we have this thing called “conservation of volume”. This means that while an object can change shape, it’s volume should be respected (unless it is moving towards or away from the camera). In the classic case of the bouncing ball, for example, the effects of gravity on the ball affect its shape as it travels, but the size of the ball remains the same.



This animation tidbit was running through my head as I was about to have a mammogram.



A kindly Alien being named Sylvie placed one of my breasts on the slab.

She told me not to move, not even to breathe...what is it with these Alien probes? You hafta hold perfectly still for all of them?


Then she lowered the presser thingie down on top of it.



Lower…



and lower…



and lower.

I thought, "surely she's going to stop right about now?" But no, she just kept lowering the gizmo and squeezing the living fark out of my girl.



I literally thought my tit would split.


Amazingly, they bounced back to their usual shape afterward. I hadn't lost any volume either. Thank goodness for good bras!



I'm rather fond of my boobs and I'd like to make sure they're ok. What do you all think about mammograms?


23 comments:

  1. I hate them. I have huge gazongas and they try to flatten them until it feels like they are being ripped from my chest wall.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's it! I actually thought one of 'em was going to detach. Ow ow ow.

      Delete
  2. What Shan said...exactly. I had my first one ever last month & I cried. Sobbed, actually.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Fun" isn't the word. When I had my first mammogram I happened to be in full menstrual swing - my boobs were so swollen and sore. And they squashed them! So painful. I vowed to schedule the appointments in between periods from then on.

      It helps a bit.

      Delete
  3. I found that it does help to tell them that you have sensitive to pain boobs. Or it could have just been the fact that I was 25 & 30 when I had mine squashed and they just wanted to take one picture each time, to help reduce the amount of radiation my girls were directly exposed to, then did an ultrasound right after to double check. (I have what they determined to be fibrocystic breast tissue - which means my boobs are always 'concerningly lumpy & tender' - yay me!)

    The guy that did my last mammo said one I can just have an ultrasound done, since it can detect concerning lumps or just cystic lumps better than a mammo that just shows a dark shadow for either/both & thus reduce radiation exposure that can cause cancerous lumps to form. ((It's been a while, but that's the best/simplest explanation I remember.))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now you mention it, a few years ago I discovered a lump. I had an amazing surgeon and he swore by the ultrasound. He used it himself rather than a technician....that was incredible, now I think of it.

      And he told me I had "really lumpy breasts" too!

      Delete
    2. Large, natural breasts are usually fibrocystic. Mine were diagnosed as that in my early twenties. It still didn't stop the mammo Nazi from trying to flatten my breasts like a tortilla she wanted to rip apart. (I was a psych nurse in a former life.)

      No one ever mentioned the ultrasound option to me. Asshats. LOL

      Delete
    3. I think it's not an option between mammogram and ultrasound. They're used for different things: mammos are used to screen the entire breast at once for a lump or abnormality. The ultrasound is used to diagnose what that lump is likely to be.

      And for the record, all that pushing around with the ultrasound thingie hurts tender boobies too.

      Delete
  4. Heh. After my first mammo, I told my husband, "Hold up your hand like you're holding a sandwich." He help up his hand with his thumb about one inch from the other fingers. "Yup," I said, "that's how flat they squish 'em."

    ReplyDelete
  5. that sums up my experience.... had to do mammo & ultra sound... suspicious lumps plural..

    ReplyDelete
  6. I always feel like my girls are going to burst when they do that. Ow.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love this post!!! The photos describe it perfectly...What a crack up. And yes, I go every year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad. I think it's important to demystify these medical procedures. Cartoons are a good way of doing that.

      Delete
  8. My husband is a physician... His office would crack up at this post!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do share it with him. I'd like to know what he thinks :D

      Delete
  9. I have never had one. I think they are routine after 50 in UK. I really am dreading it though. I can't be doing with my boobs being messed with.

    Ladies get all the fun stuff! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. To think I get to look forward to these early, because there is breast cancer in my family. Awesomesauce.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You kill me!

    Only men could have created these machines and this procedure. Women need to make science and invention a priority so we can return the favor.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm getting mine the day after Memorial Day. That would make it Mammorial Day. I will be thinking about conservation of volume. ;)

    ReplyDelete

Cuz You Rocketh.