The Animated Mammogram.

WARNING: Squished boobies.

In animation, we have this thing called “conservation of volume”. This means that while an object can change shape, it’s volume should be respected (unless it is moving towards or away from the camera). In the classic case of the bouncing ball, for example, the effects of gravity on the ball affect its shape as it travels, but the size of the ball remains the same.

This animation tidbit was running through my head as I was about to have a mammogram.

A kindly Alien being named Sylvie placed one of my breasts on the slab.

She told me not to move, not even to breathe...what is it with these Alien probes? You hafta hold perfectly still for all of them?

Then she lowered the presser thingie down on top of it.

Lower…

and lower…

and lower.

I thought, "surely she's going to stop right about now?" But no, she just kept lowering the gizmo and squeezing the living fark out of my girl.

I literally thought my tit would split.

Amazingly, they bounced back to their usual shape afterward. I hadn't lost any volume either. Thank goodness for good bras!



I'm rather fond of my boobs and I'd like to make sure they're ok. What do you all think about mammograms?

Tweet

My Birthday was OUT Of This World!

Yes, today is my birthday and I'm fifty-one. BUT I'M A HAWT 51. Last year when I turned fifty I spent my birthday animating a little film. This year I got an MRI. Which turned out to be not an MRI at all!

It was a vascular CT scan - which is a fancy name for being probed by extra-terrestrials.

When I arrived at the hospital neuro place I got put in a room with a space ship in it. I was warmly greeted by two women, Lucy and Denise (aliens). They told me I was going to be injected with some kind of liquid that would make me feel weird while they took pictures of my head. And I'm not allowed to move. Oh great. Happy Birthday to me.

I lay down on the horizontal surface with my head just inside the space ship. Lucy inserted the biggest-needle-ever into my arm and attached it to an actual machine that goes "ping".

Then Denise and Lucy went and hid behind a window, watching me and likely laughing at my helpless earthling ways. 

I was wiggling my toes to keep from becoming airborne and they told me to stop it. NO moving allowed. The space ship was making strange noises and the operating plank I was lying on moved in and out of it. It was bizzarre. 

Then came a rush of weird bubbly and probably radioactive liquid coursing through my veins up my arm making my heart feel hot and like I had to pee. I was trying not to move but I was breathing in and out really fast and I'm pretty sure I blinked more than Romney and Obama combined in any one of the debates. 

Then the scan probe was over and Lucy made me stand up. I asked her if my pee would glow in the dark. She laughed, took the biggest-needle-ever out of my arm, wished me a happy birthday and left. I guess the gauze wasn't packed on tightly enough cuz my arm started pouring blood onto the floor.

Luckily Denise was still there so she fixed it up. I was kind of disappointed that it was normal colored blood. They were both really nice to me. I always knew the aliens would have a sense of humor.

The Huz took me out for brunch and gave me a massage and stuff so at the moment I'm feeling pretty good. This was not the worst medical test thingie that I've lived through. Some day I'll tell you all about my colonoscopy other probe.

I am brave.

Tweet

The ALIENS Have LANDED.

APRIL FOOLS!!! Ha ha ha....

Meep meep bip bop meegle meep. Take me to your Leader.

Share!

Tweet