September 1, 2010

My BOOBS.

This is the story of a lifetime. The story of my boobs.

When I was a toddler, I went topless.
I was young, and unfettered by preconceived notions about boobs.


When I was teenager, I didn't want anyone to know I had boobs. I was deeply embarrassed by their existence.


But then, one morning I woke up and I was eighteen and lovely. I knew that my boobs had some kind of awesome power. People were being hypnotized by them, left, right and center.


The boob-powers went wild for a while, but eventually they settled down. When I married, my boobs seemed to swell with love.


The love in my boobs grew even more with pregnancy.


And when my babies were born, I discovered that bras went all the way up to H.


But then, my babies sucked away my boobs! This was actually cool, because people would finally look at my face when I spoke. My professional life flourished.



These days, thanks to she-who-shall-not-be-named MENOPAUSE, my boobs are up and down. I had a little scare a couple years ago, but everything turned out ok....anyways, I try to take care of them and check them every now and again. My husband helps me with that sometimes.



I wonder what the future holds for my boobs...


Tell me about your boobs.

You have the opportunity to make someone else smile by sharing.

67 comments:

  1. JC, that turned out great! Totally love the drawings! You know what's interesting? Teenagers don't hide their boobs anymore. I guess we have Britney Spears to thank for that? I totally pretended I didn't have boobs when I was a teenager. It probably didn't help that my mom was pretty slow on the bra-buying! I'll take hanging boobs over peri-menopause...just let it be OVER!!

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  2. I'm sorry, what? I didn't hear what you posted I was too busy looking at your boobs.

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  3. Great post! My wife is much like you in that she tried to hide them when she was younger as well.

    My daughter is 14 and a 34DD. She's an extrovert so I've been doing boob damage control and teaching her, since she first started sprouting and it looked like she was going to be well endowed, that her boobs don't define her and the attention she's getting in jr high and now high school isn't the kind of attention she's going to want as she seeks to have deeper relationships with (dare I say it) MEN one day.

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  4. I'm not sure what an H cup looks like, but I think I could put both of mine in there and have plenty of room to spare. I loved this.

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  5. lol! that was too funny! i loved it!

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  6. Yep, after 3 kids my boobs are pretty much gone...and I had implants! I think it's time for a new set - nothing HUGE, just nice perky ones :)

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  7. this is SO ADORABLE. everything about the story is simply BOOBLICIOUS. funny how body parts can be so integral to each phase of our lives in a different manner. thanx for sharing. (o)v(o)

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  8. good job as usual... great topic kept my interest all the way thru...

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  9. If I told you about my boobs I'd have to kill you ;)

    Nice job.

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  10. i remember in grade 6 being tortured by the boys about my boobs.
    it took me until my 30's to realize it was because they liked them.

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  11. Loved the post. :) As a little kid I dreamed of having big airbrushed boobs like the ones my dad admired in Playboy. Turned out I was a VERY late bloomer and...you call that "blooming"? When first child was born, hubs and I were like: "can we keep these?" Within a few months, they were gone. It was about then, in my 30s, when lots of other young moms around me had packed on the pounds that I was glad I was still a "nearly 'b'". And now that I'm 52, there's not much weightyness to sag. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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  12. Loved this so very much! I know I will be saying "Gravity can bite me!" too! Just wonderful!

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  13. @leslieconn Thanks...I was inspired by our convo!

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  14. Well gravity hasn't set in for me but I'm still only 36. I'm doing my best to fight off any moobs. We drove from the L.A. area to our home in Monterey yesterday and my wife got so bored she tried an iAugmentation app on her iPhone. Not that she needed it but her boobs did look a bit different after she put them in the app. She took a picture of my chest and sure enough....the outcome? Hairy boobs! Not good...

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  15. @ Why Is Daddy Crying - please ask your wife to stifle a yawn for me.

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  16. @ Lady of the House - HAHAHA! Don't you need a license to be that funny?

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  17. It will be interesting to find out what weeverfish DNA will do to your boobs.


    PS. This joke will not die.

    PPS. I will not let it.

    PPPS. Just wait until the Red Dawn remake comes out, and then I will shout from the mountaintops, "WEEVERINES!"

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  18. I belong to the big boob club and as a middle aged woman I have one thing to say: "foundation garments -- not diamonds -- are a girls best friend." i spent $95 on a bra that makes my boobs look perky--worth every penny. I gasped at horror at all the saggy boobs I saw at the Emmy awards. Do yourselves a favour--realize that gravity works and invest in a really--I mean really-- great bra.
    bib-boobed shelagh

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  19. When I finally (late) developed boobs (if you could call 'em that), they were just china-teacup size nipples with nothing behind them and I was embarrassed as hell! A guy I went out w/in high school even said to me, Wow, you're a nice girl but I want to date someone w/boobs!

    I got married and started having kids... suddenly a 38C which isn't a huge rack but I liked them... which stayed, and stayed, and stayed... through 11 pregnancies and 17.5 YEARS of breastfeeding... those girls and I got to be pretty good friends.

    My youngest child weaned last year at my ripe old age of 47 & I found out I was pregnant the next week... so no loss of boobs (whew). I lost those babies at 9.5 weeks but still hung in there.

    My 48th birthday was in January and I was just about proud to still have a relatively nice bust and NO SAGGING, how many women can say that... then decided I should take off 30# so I wouldn't grow old fat and with high blood pressure, etc.

    Lost the weight and I look great! However, along about 25# down, suddenly I get up one morning to find that my boobs had, what seemed to me, all but DISAPPEARED. And of course now the skin is the same size but there's not as much tissue in it, so what happens? Sad sags, too.

    I've settled in to a 36B which I guess isn't bad but back to looking like HUGE nipples with almost no backup, like when I was 20... but an inch and a half lower. My oldest daughter says that when I start making 50K or more a year tattooing I should have nice, tasteful implants just to put back what I lost.

    Since I usually hate the look of implants (weird globular breast-things on a scrawny count-my-ribs breastplate), I'll have to think about that one. Until then, guess I'll have to find a guy who likes legs...

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  20. @ brermatt - This joke lives on!!!

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  21. @ my7kids - Lady, you just summed it up in one phrase "...those girls and I got to be pretty good friends". What a thoughtful, well expressed story, and I thank you for it!

    Your legs = totally HAWT.

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  22. Love your humorous post about your boobs.

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  23. I remember hiding my boobs. I was in 4th grade and was forced into wearing my first training bra. The one in the box with the weird girl on the front. The box read "Just my size" Its like a post traumatic stress moment thinking about it. I was a tomboy - not a bra wearing girl - in the 4th grade! My boobs sprouted overnight - along with the Freddy Kruger like stretch marks all around them. So not only was i embarrassed about them - but i tried to hide them because of the marks all over them! Like my7kids - I dealt with the ginormous nipple too! It was like mother nature was using me as her practice of "you know what would look really funny...." when I hit puberty.

    I will say that post pregnancy (like 5 years post) and while still "overweight" my boobs are OK. And I enjoy that I can use them to distract from my flaw-rendous mid section LOL!!

    Love the #boobchat ! HAHAHA

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  24. Why is @tshaka_zulu telling us about the size of his daughters breast?

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  25. When I was leaning over my animation desk and realized my boob was resting against my hand, I realized then that it was indeed time to stop eating a medium pizza for breakfast.

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  26. I would love to see the number of visitors for this post. Creative mind.

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  27. @ HIMANSHU - I'm such a blogger noob, duh? How do I find out the number of visitors for this post?
    #HELP?

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  28. @ Ellery VanDoogeweert - Go MOOB!

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  29. One of my boobs is a survivor of Dented, because the idea of returning to a hospital to get reconstruction terrified me, my right breast is a survivor.

    The left one? Smug. If breasts could vote it would provably be both a big "C" and little "c" conservative. Healthy and happy these days, they get along, but secretly my right breast feels that lefty is going hit the knees before she does. So I guess, they're both smug...

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  30. This is so awesome. As a child, I wanted to be just like my brother. Therefore from the age of 3-5 I refused to wear a little girl's bathing suit. I would only wear boy's swim trunks.

    I can relate to the story of your boobs. I'm in the pregnancy boob mode now!

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  31. Your drawings are fantastic!!!they remind me of Jules Feiffer. It was great how you could tell such a complete story with little copy and super, funny pictures. Look forward to hearing that you are receiving the recognition your talents deserve. In the meantime, we can all enjoy your multi-media pieces.

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  32. @ Cindy - Dented? That's cool. I am also Dented.

    @ Old School/New School Mom - you are in food prep mode. Heheh.

    @ Liz - Your words are so kind, I really don't even know what to say, cuz I'm just blown away....but thank-you. I guess Ilive for the "meantime" where everyone connects through my drawings and animation. Hopefully it resonates for real, with real people.

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  33. Ha ha! Yes I am. I will pass the "Liz" comment back to my mom. Yup, that was my mom!

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  34. JC - YOU RAAAWK!!

    You are fantabulous and continue to amaze me. I have been loving your website and your honest look at things....especially boobs.

    and gravity....mercy - sooo unkind to boobs.

    Your drawings are amazing. such talent!

    Thanks for the smiles you have brought me tonight! {{HUGS}}

    @spreadingJOY

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  35. 32C huh... I am 36 A/B. Clarification: one side is A, one side is B. The 36 part makes them look sort barely deserving of an A though...

    Love your drawings and happy to have found your blog!

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  36. My Boobs have no powers!
    I'm a little embarrassed.
    (I don't know how to end this post)

    ~ HOBO


    P.S. Love the doodles! :)

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  37. Haha! Hilarious post, I just found your site and I love it. I can really relate to the boob story.

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  38. Great post, love your blog. Here's my take on BOOBS: http://brownroadchronicles.wordpress.com/2011/01/21/boobs/
    No really about boobs, but you might find it funny. Thanks for following me on twitter!!

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  39. I am totally in love now! My boobs are gigundous. I was a 34DD in college and then when I was pregnant I was a 38H or something like that. Now they have settled on being a 36DDD. I have lost weight and they never go away. The biggest problem is they have never been perky. EVER. I blame this on my mom and her low hanging gigundous boobs as well. Thanks mom.

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  40. My boobs have become officially teats...MOOOOO! I love this post. You are boobalicious!!! I needed a good laugh this AM. I'm happy that By Word of Mouth Musings sent me this way!xxoo I will be following you ;)

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  41. This is genius! I just found your blog and of course I had to read about your boobs! Anyone's boobs are better than mine. I hope someday to walk in a room and nit have them lead the way!

    Newest follower, now off to check other posts!

    Megan

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  42. I LOVED this post!! Especially because HELLO H for this Mama when I was nursing my Chunk son! I used to love my boobs but breastfeeding gravity has done something I cannot understand.... :-/ you understand.

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  43. Cute! Sometimes I miss the perky boobs I had when I was 13, but they did breastfeed 2 babies and I'm now middle-aged, so gravity is taking its toll! LOL!

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  44. Your storyline belongs in a children's book of some kind. I raised two sons and didn't have to endure the "other side" of raising kids that comes with having a daughter. I often wonder what (if any) hair I would have had left under those circumstances. My sons turned out okay but I am still haunted by what might have been.

    Humorous and delightful drawings!

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  45. Thanks for sharing your boobs with us!

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  46. Ha ha - love your boobs ;) I, too was a 32D in my teenage years. After b/f 2 babies (a LONG time ago now) I am a 34G(INORMOUS). I've lost about 3kgs & I have a long way to go to get them smaller. (Is 'long' becoming a theme here!!) I made a comment to darling hubby - 6'4" - about he'll have to bend over soon to which he replied "I'm shrinking!" Gotta love him eh lol. (My dd is a 28F=6F. It's the same as 32D)

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  47. I so love your boobs. I have no idea where you live, but I wish it was around the corner. ;-)

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  48. OMG - ME TOO! Well... except the part about pregnancy. I skipped that.

    When I was young, I skipped training bras and went right for the real thing. By 7th grade, my boobs were bigger than my Mom's. (She had not skipped pregnancy, and hers disappeared.) I dressed them in big sweatshirts and loose T-shirts. I wanted them to go away.

    I remember my younger sister (I used to call her "skeeter" because her boobs were like mosquito bites - or "tater tots" when they grew a little) got to wear halter tops, and bikinis. Mom wouldn't let me... I wore "camp shirts" and one-piece swim suits. I get it, she was trying to protect her pre-teen from looking like an 18yo. (Moms should still do that, IMO.) I wanted tater tots, not cantaloupe.

    When I was in college, I fell in love with my Boobs. They were AWESOME. They could attract attention, silently, from across a crowded frat party. Actually, it was more a love-hate relationship. I had a brain, too, but these were frat boys. Despite the fact that they were MIT frats, they were still... boys!

    I started calling them "The Girls." The Girls and I were inseparable. We went everywhere and did everything together! I loved dressing them up and letting them be noticed. I wore deep V-neck shirts and two-piece swim suits!

    After college, I loved The Girls even more... I dressed them differently. Business-like. More sedately. They could get me in to meetings that others in my peer group were not invited to. I didn't care that it was because the boss was a boob-man. Once in the meeting, I could dazzle them with my brains, and did!

    On weekends, I let them show off a little. I wore my t-shirts more fitted, and the V-necks were back, but not so deep. Tankinis were a godsend!

    At one point, one of The Girls was diagnosed with a tumor. It was a tense few weeks... I had often thought it would be nice to have them reduced. I always wanted to wear dresses that fit, rather than skirts and tops. I wanted the freedom to go bra-less like my little sis. I wanted to wear spaghetti-strap tops! Now faced with the possibility of loosing them, I didn't want to give them up.

    Luckily my diagnosis was great. Benign! So, one of The Girls has a little secret, and they're both still around. Woo-hooo!

    Now, in my late 40s, The Girls are still an asset. They still get a lot of attention, and that's fine by me. I live in Southern California now (where women pay a lot of money to get boobs that look just like what I've always had), and dress them in whatever I want (though it still does not include dresses). I love The Girls, and we are still inseparable... And tater tots is now jealous of them!

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  49. Finally! Someone is asking about my boobs! I developed really early. And was totally in love with my boobs. I thought they were huge. And considering the age I was, they kinda were. I thought my boobs were going to get bigger and bigger and it was going to be awesome.

    Yeah, not so much. My boobs are basically the same size they were when they first sprouted. And I'm totally cool with that. I'm actually kind of in love with them.

    Sigh. Don't you love happy endings?

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  50. Thought for years that I was a strange teenage girl because I hated getting boobs. Just reading I was not alone in that experience is a nice relief even if it's 45 year later! I also developed early and resisted wearing bras. It seemed the point of a bra was to emphasize or control my boobs and to display them for men and boys to focus on. Now that I am in my late 50s I don't get that kind of attention from men anymore. And what a huge relief! It's too intense to live with that for 30 years!

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    1. Boobs can feel like foreign beings living on your chest. They speak a different language and want to make out with the locals!

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    2. I "developed" my boobies at age 16. I never got beyond a size 28 AA. I was actually quite happy with their small size, as I was an athlete...a swimmer. I made it to the Olympic Trials in the 200 back and the 1650 free, and boy, was I glad to have very small boobs. You don't often see elite swimmers with big boobs. Their small size, and, my skinny frame, got me modeling gigs from high school through college. Of course they grew a bit when I was nursing my 3 kids...after all, that's what they are actually meant to do...Now, at age 62, I wear a 32A with no sagging. (a further benefit to small boobs) and I can still swim a mile in 29 minutes.

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    3. Julie you are the GOLDEN. Damn girl!

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    4. Ha! You have no idea how much I got teased about my boobies (or lack thereof) in high school. I was nickname Blade..People would say, here comes Julie and her knees...my personal favorite nickname: Zipper...Julie turn sideways and stick out your tongue. During the 60s and 70s I went braless, natch. After I had kids I wore one occasionally. It seemed like the right thing to do...Now. Well. They're the same. Impossible to find a bra that really fits me...so..in thin and filmy clothes I wear a bra...maybe. Sometimes. In my competition swimsuit, which firts very snugly, I look flat as a board.

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  51. John Mayer has said his guitar is his man boobs.

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  52. LOL - Glad you asked! I have actually blogged about my boobs too. (I'm normally a humor writer.) Click HERE for a good time... ahem... I mean, the perfectly respectable history of my almost non-existent boobs.

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  53. So funny! I LOVE the illustration of you as a new mama! The hair kills me!

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  54. @brermatt - Just say no to the Red Dawn remake travesty! As for boobs? I had nothing until tge day of eighth grade graduation. I woke up and it was like God smacked me on the back while I was sleeping. lol I had a strapless dress but no strapless bra - an emergency trip to Sears was made. From then on, boys did not know I had eyes, much less a face. When preggers, I got huge. Boobs, that is. I went from my normal DD's to GG's. One of the stylists at my hair salon told me not to breastfeed because my boob was bigger than the baby's head and I'd suffocate her! lol I spent six months nursing her with one hand on her head and the other holding my tit so I didn't smother her. My MIL told me to eat while I fed the baby after I complained that I wasn't able to eat. Uh, with what hand was I supposed to accomplish this feat? The two I had were already in use. Oy. I'm back to my DD's at 42. I do wish they were a bit perkier. Considering I have no idea what perky boobs look like, this would be new territory for me. lol

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  55. Great and funny! Congratulations!

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Cuz You Rocketh.