August 22, 2010

Chocolate Assholes.

WARNING: There may be one or two assholes in this story.

OK, so I was just travelling around the UK with the husband and kids, blogging about buckets, the Underground and surfing. Somewhere along the way I also discovered a gem of a shop in Hackney (London) called "Viktor Wynd's Little Shop of Horrors". Peering through the windows, I saw stuffed mermaids, jars of preserved two-headed bats, and dubious but nonetheless interesting adult colouring books lining the shelves. And I thought, what a perfect place to pick up a birthday present for my BFFF @TrashCanRoxanne. Since I was missing her birthday back home in Montreal, right?

So in I go, and they've got all kinds of weird and wonderful things, including a single box of chocolate assholes. Don't ask how they make these chocs people, they're very realistic; the mind boggles.
And I'm like, PERFECT!!! She's gonna love it!

A little back story: this is TrashCan and me. We've been buddies since University. We've worked together in animation. And she introduced me to my husband. I can fart in front of her. She can fart in front of me. She never does though. She never farts ever.

Ignore the rubber duckie, that's another story.

Anyhow, I hope you're getting that I just know she's going to really LOVE these chocolate assholes.

The nice man in the Little Shop of Horrors tells me that there are three handmade Belgian chocolates in the box. But they're past their sell-by date, so I have to promise him that no one is going to actually eat these chocs. Which I can easily do, cuz knowing TrashCan, she's just going to poke them with her finger, laugh her head off and that will be that. So the shop man gives them to me really cheap! Total score, I'm sure you'll agree.

Fast-forward to last night, back in Montreal. I had just picked up the dog from the kennels and was settling in to a nice glass of wine.

A little more back story: our dog is a mixed breed, part chaos, part trouble, and the only human besides us who understands and cares about her is Trashcan.

Anyways, I go upstairs to upack and I noticed, holy crap, the dog's got into my luggage, found the chocolate assholes, unwrapped them and gobbled them up!!!

I'm freaking out on two levels here - first, my dog has eaten chocolate, which could harm her - and second my dog has eaten chocolate assholes which I specially got for my BFFF.

Responding to my urgent tweets, a lovely tweep named @jmbuckingham googled the online shop and I have now ordered a new batch of Incredible Edible Anus' which are not past their sell-by date. Thanks to her, you can ALL order some yummy chocolate assholes for your BFFF.

And the dog? She's totally fine. She left me a nice chocolate turd on the bedroom rug to thank me for the chocolate assholes.



  1. God this was funny! Also..suddenly craving chocolate after reading. Though oddly enough, not craving chocolate assholes per say.

  2. What a humorous gift idea. Thanks for the laugh. Glad your dog is ok.

  3. HAHHHH!!!! So funny! Damn those dogs and they're love and any kind of assholes. LOL! But really though, glad the dog is ok and glad you were able to order more chocolate assholes for your BFFF. (p.s.-Why the extra "F")

  4. "Love of ANY kind of assholes". Damn iPad and it's word correction, LOL!!

  5. lmfao seriously haha dog assholes hehe chocolate!!! lmfao u crack me up i love them

  6. OMG this cracked me up...especially since they exactly as I expected while reading

  7. You're just too funny! Now...I want to know the story about the rubber duckie, you and TrashCan (I can only imagine :)

  8. Thanks JC...I can't wait to add some chocolate ones to my collection

  9. You got a different kind of chocolate from a dog's asshole, didn't you? What a story.

  10. LOL!!!!! Glad the dog is ok, and bonus you got more edible behinds. {snicker}

  11. Oh my goodness, that really was quite the tale! And the drawings only made it that much better. :-)

  12. oh, now that was just uncalled for---you know the turd on the floor bit.

    Bad bad bad (has good taste) dog!!

  13. LOL- I love the British shops :-)

    Great Story!


  14. @ Nina - Why the extra "F" in BFFF...? Well, when you've been friends as long as we have, you get to have an extra F. And the meaning can change depending on the time of day

  15. @ Jeanne - One can never be "too funny" !! And maybe I'll blog the rubber duckie story sometime...heh heh....

  16. @ MamaOnDaGo - yes, you do. It's VERY different.

  17. Chocolate yummy...any kind of asshole?? not so much!! I'm reading all your posts that I've missed!! I love your blog!! Did ya know?? I think you need to feature @ezmommsCali!!! You're awesome!!

  18. Incredible Edible Anus?? I sooo want some and I like your name better. LOL! Shrew... glad your baby was ok. And what about the rubber duckie?? Twitter friends always to the rescue. *Happy Ending*

  19. OMG, this was hilarious! We are going to be in London next week and I will keep an eye out for chocolate assholes.

  20. Still waiting for those assholes BTW

    1. Didn't you trade them for a bottle of wine?


Cuz You Rocketh.