March 19, 2018

Totally LAME.

Hurrah for Medicare in Canada! Sure, I spent the night sitting in a wheelchair in the ER but hey, I did catch a glimpse of an elderly hospital-gowned gentleman's backside, complete with some very low-hanging fruit. We're talking knee-knockers. We're talking tennis balls in long socks. We're talking Newton's Cradle. So the trip to the ER wasn't a complete washout. Also, I got a diagnosis and treatment plan for my bum hip.

I have a Calcified Hematoma. Which means, when a dog named Buddy comes running at you exhuberantly and jolts your hip in a high speed joy leap, you will limp lightly for a month and then suddenly be unable to walk. Because excruciating pain.

How do I know the dog's name was Buddy? His owner was yelling it over and over. I think she should have shouted louder because he obviously couldn't hear her.
Inkling was good. And along came Buddy.
Meet my new best friend:
Senior walker? Or FREEDOM MACHINE.
At the hospital you get asked what level of pain you have from 1 to 10, 1 being no pain and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. I mean, how can they tell how bad it is? My 10 could be someone else's 5. So I said, "I'm holding a steady 7 allatime, shooting 9s and 10s." And they're like TAKE THE MORPHINE GIRL.

I can't take those drugs though because I'm alcoholicle. Instead I opted for anti-inflammatories and acetaminophen. It takes the edge off but leaves me with just enough shooting 8s to make my kids feel sorry for me. And why shouldn't they? My parkour career is in jeopardy.

I'll be laid up for two to three weeks. Usually I'm the Helper, so it's difficult to assume the role of Helpee. I'm learning though. There are ways to ask for help without becoming annoying. For example, this afternoon I had a bath; I have strong arms and low body weight so there was no problem getting myself into the tub. Getting out was impossible. I called out to The Huz, "Hey! Do you want see me naked?"
He answered straight away. "Coming!"

See what I did there.