February 17, 2015

More Fun With DIY.

WARNING: F-bombs and bird flippings.

Those who know me know how much I love tiling. It's true! I have tiled lots of stuff in our house - ceramic, vinyl, big and small. Once I even tiled over the floor hatch to the water pipe thingies! That's what happens when The Huz goes away on a trip without me. But sometimes I do manage to glue those tiles where they're supposed to be. I am tiley-wiley.

This was my view the other day:

What is that round circle painted on the floor all about? Who knows?! It was there when we ripped up the old tiles. It makes a fine backdrop for the mess left by the tile-cutter we rented. Can I just say that I loathe the tile-cutting machine with the burning intensity of a thousand suns? That fucker is loud enough to wake the dead in all parallel universes. Also it sprays crap all over the place. Fuck that tile cutter. And fuck this view.

What you see in this next photo is what you get when you buy a 'fixer-upper'.

There was a heater on this wall, but we took it out so I could tile-tile-tile under it. What's behind that bendy bit of wall? Don't look! Fuck that fixer-upper.

Got the whole bathroom floor tiled perfectly and then this little fucker in the corner decided it didn't care about my OCD.

We could have trimmed it to fit, but we'd already brought the tile-cutter back so we could save $75. Fuck you, corner-tile.

Never mind; I'll disguise it with some black grout. I have some left over from the last tiling, uh...incident.

And speaking of grout, this is the sink back-splash, freshly tiled by moi. Just look at that drywall veer!

Nothing is straight or parallel in my universe. Right angles are an expensive fantasy. Fuck these curvy walls, that's what I say.

Oh yeah; because I love challenges so much, here's the World's Ugliest Shower Ever:

It can't be ripped out (or straightened!), so I'll be painting it BLUE and covering it up with the World's Biggest Shower Curtain.

Fuck this fugly shower! Don't even get me started on the toilet.

Story first appeared on Ello.