March 15, 2017

The Very Bored Elephant.

It used to be the biggest thing in the room, and now, three years later, the shrinking elephant is so very bored.

Definitely not drinking is easier than drinking; my struggle ended when I made the decision to quit. It incinerated this punishing loop of self-loathing.

I remember being scared, like, what if I fail? And my mom said, "Yes, you might fail. But if you fail, it's alright; you start over. You're allowed to fail." And I was like, oh, that's pretty straightforward. I can do this.

Life is a little different. I lost a friend or two along the way. It forced me to re-evaluate my friendship goals. And that was sad, but ultimately liberating.

I don't get invited to aaaaalll the parties anymore. Though I do get invited to some. I was at a friend's birthday celebration and I was laughing and having fun. A man offered me some wine. I told him, "No, thanks". He then straight-up told me that he was going to order a bottle and that I was going to drink some. After momentarily toying with the idea of just telling him, "I'M AN ALCOHOLIC" I thought, but why give any explanation when "no" should be enough? So I simply repeated myself, "No. Thank-you." He backed away.

I have the power. I'm good. Love you guys!

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