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Famous authors get invited on celebrity talk-shows to plug their new books. But I'm pretty much a nobody and it's highly unlikely that I'll ever get asked to appear on anyone's talk show. So I figured I'd do the next best thing: draw a completely made-up pretend interview! YESSSS. I am very smart.
In which a pretend Queen Latifah pretend interviews me about my book (that part is real):
QL: We have an unusual guest today, let's give a warm welcome to JC Little, The Animated Woman!
QL: Welcome! Welcome to the Queen Latifah Show! So... you wrote and illustrated a children's book..."The Last Snowman, by JC Little". What does "JC" stand for?
JC: Hey, I'm making up this interview, you can't ask me that!
QL: Sorry! Okay. Tell me about your book - you published it yourself, right, what do you call it, 'self published’?
JC: Uh-huh. I brought a copy for you.
QL: Tell me, JC...how does one go about marketing a self-published book? I mean, you're just one person, right? It's not like you have a big publishing machine behind you - how do you get the word out there to sell your books?
JC: I have some friends who have helped out by reviewing my book on their blogs. But you're right: it's really hard to make a splash in the big ole' internet if you don't have a big publishing house behind you. You have to be inventive and do pretend interviews.
QL: I'm gonna read it now...
JC: I know right?
QL: Funnay! How do you feel about the fact that very few people will ever get to read your book, because no one's ever heard of you?
JC: Welp....I like to think about those few people who are reading it and I hope they're enjoying it. When you’re little and you have stories read to you, you grow up with those stories inside you. You take them with you. And you remember them when you are older. Stories are what matter and I'm a story artist.
QL: "Story artist" I like that! And I really love the way you've drawn me. I am a super cute cartoon.
JC: It's just stick-figures...you know.
QL: Well I wish you luck, and if it's any help, I know it's you making me say this in a pretend interview, but I really love your book, and I’m pretty sure lots of other people out there will like it too.
JC: Aw....you're so kind, Queen Latifah.
QL: I mean it! Thanks for being on my pretend show, and letting me pretend interview you.
JC: You are welcome. Thanks for having me! And thanks for letting me pretend you're pretend interviewing me. Ha.
QL: You're not gonna tell me what "JC" stands for, are you?
JC: And spoil the mystery?
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When the pretend applause has faded you can hop on over to Amazon and check out The Last Snowman, my book that Queen Latifah has never read.