10 Most Preposterous Sexual Positions.

WARNING: Drawings of preposterous sexual positions. 

You get a mix on this blog: most of it is sweet and innocent. But every once in a while, when you are least expecting it (um...maybe especially when you're least expecting it), there'll be something very, very naughty.

I was inspired by a couple of links (that I can no longer find) from a big, long (tee hee) Facbook convo which has also gone missing. Also note that I've drawn one woman and one man. But you can totally change it up; girl on girl, dude on dude, multiples, fruits, veges, costumes, lego, whatevs.

Here are the 10 Most Preposterous Sexual Positions*:
*Made up by me.

10. The Osterizer.

The rotor motor is so effective, you won't know if you're coming or going.

9. The Cartwheel.

To avoid serious injury, you should probably practice this a couple of times before attempting penetration. I'm just saying. Unless you're into pain - either way, practice makes perfect.

8. The Selfie.

I'm pretty sure James Franco would approve.

7. The Double-Selfie. AKA The "Ussie".

Perfect for couples who love Instagram! By the way, you'll definitely need to use a flash in there.

6. The Lady and The Tramp.

For hardcore Disney fans. And pasta lovers.

5. The "68".

Very similar to the popular "69" sexual position. Dietary restrictions may apply.

4. The Boot. 

This is one of those cases where a picture is worth a thousand words.

3. The Cirque

Gravity can be a most effective sexual aid.

2. The Elastic.

You may like to warm up with a few stretches before attempting this.

1. The Grand Jeté. 

Named for those fabulous flying leaps and jumps you see in the ballet, this position is a winner. I swear you'll be fighting over who gets to go on top. Don't forget to point your toes!

Oops. Looks like I counted wrong. There seems to be one more preposterous sexual position. 

0. The Picasso.

My favourite! Everything is all over the damn place! Who knew elbows could be so much fun!

These Preposterous Sexual Positions are all fake (except the last one...it was during my "Blue" period). But now I wonder if anyone has tried any of these...OKAY FESS UP PEOPLES. What's the weirdest sex position you've ever done? Or place you've done it? 

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GREEN Christmas - Top 10 Funniest.

1. Grinch it. Bully a small dog into helping you steal Christmas only to give it back at the last minute. Sounds fun right?  You don't hafta wear pants and your heart will grow three sizes.

2. Envy. Simply covet thy neighbour's gifts!

3. Greenback. Buy a winning lottery ticket, for a change.

4. Zombie.  That dude you kissed under the mistletoe is now gnawing on your shoulder.

5. Nausea. Too much rich food will make you green around the gills.

6. Practical Presents. Wine probably fits into this category. It's not exactly environmental, but hey, it's wine. As The Huz says, "wouldn't you rather give your money to a family run vineyard than a big pharmaceutical company?"

7. Orion Slave Girls. They make a nice holiday treat....if you're into alien sex. Uh, I mean sects.

8. Last Minute Green Gift. You get a surprise visit from Aunt Mildred, and she's got gifts for the whole family. But you have no gift for her! Uh-oh....better sneak into the bathroom with your laptop and get her a Kiva Gift Card to loan $25 to third world entrepreneur.

9. Noob it. Enjoy the green sensation of learning something new.

10. Make-up! Get your fabulous friends to paint you green and take pictures.

Got any more?

Kathy Slamen Photography, Body painting  Alex Hansen, Hair & make-up Naita Ratycz, jewelry and hair accessory by Serafina, vintage gown courtesy private collection of Nancy Marrelli.

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